Topics

1

Chit Chat / Love the English Language

« on: April 27, 2010, 08:30:21 AM »

You think American English is easy???

Generations, locations, and ethnic differences and we are supposed to understand each other?  Hey, we do not speak the same way; we cannot even get our language right!
Read to the end . . . a new twist 

  1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
  2) The farm was used to produce produce.
  3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
  5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let us face it - English is a crazy language.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.  That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

2

Chit Chat / Only a Man Would Attempt This.....

« on: April 09, 2010, 01:01:35 PM »

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
 
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.  The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.  What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.  The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL!  Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?  There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.  I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it.  But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.  Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately  on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.  The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant.  Longer bursts would do more.  I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, ' don't do it stupid, ' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.  I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.  I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and 
 
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD..... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION..... WHAT THE .....!!!
 
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.  I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?  The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to ' mug ' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!  You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.  A three second burst would be considered conservative?
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.  My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.  The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.  My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.  My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.  I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.  I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

P.S.  ... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

 If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

3

DIY Corner / De-Icer

« on: April 08, 2010, 12:48:41 PM »

  Now that the snow and ice are gone, I thought I would tell you how my DIY de-icer worked this past winter.
  I bought a small water pump designed for a pond fountain; about 190 gph.  I “borrowed” an old Tupperware bowl from my wife.  I drilled a hole in the lid for the out-flow of the pump and several smaller holes for wire-ties and attached the pump to the lid.  I then skeletonized the bowl part, cutting large “V” shaped holes in it.  I removed the small useless foam filter from the pump (it would clog in about three days), snapped the lid (with the pump attached) onto the bowl, and slid the assembly into an old panty hose leg (takes the place of the filter), cutting a small hole when the out-flow is.  I set the pump and new filter assembly in the pond with the out-flow about four to six inches from the surface; just close enough to keep the water “rolling”.  While there was six to eight inches of ice on the rest of the pond, this kept a large hole open all winter (except when the 2 plus feet of snow drifted it shut). 
The pump only draws 21 watts of power, as opposed to the floating heater type de-icers that draw 200 watts and up (and, by the way, did not work as well).

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Wakin, Shubunkins and Goldfish... / Pond Doc's Fish Food

« on: July 19, 2009, 09:12:17 AM »

Has anyone ever used or knowns anything about Pond Doc’s fish food?  Their web address is:

   http://www.ponddoc.com/index.html

5

Pond Chat / Very interesting book

« on: June 22, 2009, 03:54:34 PM »

I just read a very interesting book.  It is “JAPANESE GOLDFISH, Their Varieties and Cultivation” by Hugh M. Smith, U.S. Commissioner of Fisheries.  It is only 92 years old (printed 1917).  If you take into account the age of the book and ignore the vastly outdated material (things about steam ships and all), it is really interesting.  It deals extensively with Wakin, Ryukin, Ranchu, Oranda, Demekin, Deme-Ranchu, Watonai, Shukin, Shubunkin, and Kinranshi.  I was amazed how much useful information there is on breeding, feeding, and raising fry.  If any one is interested (it is less than 100 pages) it is at:  http://www.archive.org/details/japanesegoldfish1917smit

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Wakin, Shubunkins and Goldfish... / Injured fish

« on: May 24, 2009, 09:47:59 AM »

On Monday (week past), one of my large female Sarassa goldfish disappeared.  I wrote it off as vermin of some sort.  On Friday, I noticed a fish head sticking out from under a rock near the edge of the pond.  It was my Sarassa!  She was lying on her side in only about two inches of water.  I lifted the rock and put her back in the pond.  She swam rather awkwardly and went to a shallow corner of the pond.  After about an hour she was swimming with the other fish, sort of.  She was quite listless, but swam around okay. 
Now she seems to be fine except that she is missing numerous scales, others are sticking out at all angles and her tail is tattered and torn.  Is there something I should do immediately or just watch her closely?  And what am I looking for and what do I do then?
Thanks for any help.