By Jerry Request my PM to him on the forum problems....Please read with care...

[tinkster]

This was my PM to Jerry concerning the forum and he has asked me to post the letter.  Although I know nothing here will be that drastic.  Please keep in mind that the words/actions can have consequences sometimes and once things are done sometimes they cannot be undone....  Be kind....


Hey there. I hope this is okay to offering some suggestions.. I am just so worried the site will go down.

I am manager of a support channel for folks with epilepsy, which my daughter has. We are a "live" chat group on a irc server. At one time we had 100's of members and it got very difficult. So many opinions, medicines, drs, you know how that goes. And many things said in the rush of typing live chat dont come out like they should coupled with tons of "physcological" problems steming from the epilepsy.

Our group is one of the longest lasting ones around and we bascially have a few moderators, me and the assitant manager try to make our calls according to what the mods want but basically we dont make to many calls. We do have a list of rules that is posted everytime they join the channel. Most follow them but ya always got ones that dont. I think our great success comes from not doing much of anything. People have just got to learn to read over what they dont like. You lose a few along the way no doubt but we made a call one time that we will both live with foreover. We listened to a great many on the channel wantin to get rid of a particular boy that had some pretty big problems, as alot with epilepsy do. We begged them just ignore him he cant help what he does. I had met him and his drs a few times. Beside my better judgement, we did end up banning the guy and I got a call from him sister with a link to his obiturary in the newpaper, he committed suicide. We will never know if our group could have helped him but we will always blame ourselves on that call. anyway.. I am rambling with things that arent gonna happen on this forum but jsut wanted to share our experience with you.

Please let me know if there is anythign I can do. and I can make donations periodically, not as much as I would like, but if that would help.

Thank you jerry for all your work.

[LeeAnne151]

A list of forum rules certainly may help as so much is ambiguous.

The Chit Chat forum says "please keep it clean" but what I think is clean, others don't.

[Teresa]

That story shows just how little we know about each other and just how much a forum could mean to a member.  I'm sure that nothing you did caused that boy's suicide, but I'm also sure that you will always wonder if there could have been a different outcome.  Thanks for sharing it.

[LeeAnne151]

Oh good grief, I'm so sorry, I missed that part of your post.

Certainly you cannot blame yourself. When someone is suicidal, there ultimately isn't anything others can do. Truly suicidal people always find a way. So sorry.

[barb]

That is terribly sad, but it's so true that you shouldn't blame yourself.  That poor boy needed more help than you all could ever have given him.  (((hugs)))

[perplexed ponder]

Tink-

I am so deeply sorry for what you have been living with. I KNOW on a level most don't.  I am a survivor of suicide. I lost my Dad almost 18 years ago.

After a lot of therapy and reflection, please know that everyone who told you there was nothing you could have done....are most likely correct. Do not blame yourself.

If you EVER need to talk, just PM me.

[tranquility]

How sad... we truely don't know much about the people we meet online...and don't know what they deal with in everyday life...
Lawanna

[SheilaJ]

I don't have epilepsy, but I have suffered some severe episodes of clinical depression, and I came closer to considering suicide than I wanted to - that was when I finally got medical help. Wish I had done it years sooner.

I am fine now and know when I'm starting to head down into the darkness and how to deal with it. But a suicidal person is not rational, and so other people must not think that anything that might have done or failed to do contribued to a suicide.

[Kittyzee]

 :'(  So sorry Tink, thanks for sharing with us.  I'll always try to THINK well before I hit the "send" button..

[tinkster]

thanks all.  I know that more than likely we could not have done anything.. we just had been with him for almost 7 years which is what made it so hard.. of course there were mental probelms involved and etc.  A few of us from the channel will always partially believe it was the straw that broke his back. he was very ?? uncontroable when something happened.  But we have moved on since then.  I just hoped everyone would think like mentioned early """what have you typed before you hit that send button""".. what type of day has the person had that will read it or what could be going on in their lives and If I have been around and know someone or seen how they act and one day they act different than that.. I dont think anything of it.. if its out of character for them I just think its a bad day and forget it... I try to judge people as a whole instead of one comment or one bad day etc.

Tinkster