I had a daughter that died at the age of 13. To make it worse, I was the first medic to arrive at the scene when she was critically injured. We had no suction and she was choking on her own blood so I had to suck her blood and tissue out of her airway with my mouth and a piece of rubber tubing and spit it out.
There will be triggers. To Esther, it was a smell of a hospital. To me it was a funny hat. Months afterward, I could be in the mall and see a funny hat on a mannequin and just loose it.
Time will heal you believe me. I went to professional counselors to help me to deal with this and they were no help at all. It was a simple Mom who had walked in my shoes that gave me the words that sustained me.
She asked me, "Even if you knew how it would end, and the pain that that would bring, would you go back and do it all over again? Just to have known her and felt her love?"
The answer then was and still now is a big YES.
More words from Matthew. "Come to me, all you who are burdened and I will give your soul rest. Take my yoke upon you for my yoke is light and I am a kind and gentle spirit and I will give your soul rest."
Throw it on him, he can take it and your soul needs rest right now. Be kind and patient with yourself right now, you need time to heal. I know that you are not pouring it all out right now like you really want to, but we are here and do really care.
We need to stick together when the wind blows really hard and some of us feel your pain. Anytime you need to talk, vent or cry, we are here.
I could have missed the pain, but I would have to missed the dance.
Once more, Garth Brooks, the dance.
Looking back on the memory of,
The dance we shared, 'neath the stars above.
For a moment, all the world was right,
How could I have known, that you'd ever say good bye?
And now, I'm glad I didn't know,
The way it all would end,
The way it all would go,
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss the dance.
Holding you, I held everything,
For a moment, wasn't I the king,
But if I'd only known, how the king would fall,
Hey who's to say, You know I might have changed it all,
And now, I'm glad I didn't know,
The way it all would end,
The way it all would go,
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss the dance.
Yes my life, is better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss.......The Dance