jealousy sucks

[lorraine1960]

 o.k. ponder family i  have been at my sisters since friday nite babysitting my neice and nephew ...2 and 6....she lives in this gated community with a gorgeous home and neighborhood lake and swimming pool ...my bro in law and her went camping...i hate to say it but i'm so jealous of this nice place,i am sick of being single since my husband died 7 yrs ago.i am gonna be 49 next week so men aren't knocking my door down anymore.i don't know how to meet anyone these days and don't want to do it on these dating sites..i have no life except for my pond and backyard..lord i suck...any suggestions??? i am feeling a lil blue i guess and green..  lorraine

[Kittyzee]

Aw Lorraine, I'm sorry you are feeling blue (and a little green).  I myself, would not like living in a gated community:  I need wide open spaces and no one to tell me how to live.  But I think what you are really saying is the newness, luxury, convenience is wonderful for a change.  Maybe what you really need is to find some places to volunteer your time where you would meet new people.  I don't know how much spare time you have, even if it's just a couple of hours a week.  Bars aren't the place to meet a life partner IMO, and it's a scary world out there if you don't have friends to introduce you to someone. 

You are GOING to be 49 next week, which is a great privilege BTW, and remember:  LIFE BEGINS AT 50!!!!!     

[jw]

Hmmmmmmmmmm, well I could try to set ya up w/ my bro in law  . He's about 55, divorced and lives in Pontchatoula, La. He's a very nice guy........don't know if faith matters but he is a Christian. He smokes but I don't think he drinks and if he does it's not much. I don't think he's into ponds, gardening etc. (he did mention that he liked one of my trees when he visited last time)tho but maybe he can be molded  . Anyways if I was looking I might try joining clubs w/ the same interests as mine such as biking, hiking, pond, garden, animal rescue etc. There you would find people who you would become friends with and they might have friends or relatives that are looking also for someone just like you  . Aren't there any good guys on this forum looking for a nice woman like Lorraine hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? Don't be shy boys.......you never will get anywhere that way  .

[lorraine1960]

YOU KNOW ITS NOT SO MUCH THE GATED COMMUNITY..I FEEL LIKE YOU .I HAD 20 ACRES AND MY 75 ANIMALS..IT WAS MY DREAM COME TRUE.THEN HE PASSED AND I COULDN'T KEEP UP WITH IT BY MYSELF..SO MY DREAM HAD TO GO..YES I WILL LOOK INTO VOLUNTEERING AND SO FORTH,ONE MINUTE I FEEL CONTENT BEING ALONE BUT I HAVE TIMES LIKE THESE ALSO...THANKS FOR RESPONDING THOUGH YOU MADE ME SMILE...

[aravenschild]

Lorraine,
I feel for you, my life has dwindled down to work, yard, pond, grandkids (when I get to see them) and my dogs................
But unlike you, I'm divorced. I married a guy that I thought was everything I was looking for..... but only later found out that I had married to a controlling preachers son who had an escalating, out of control drinking and drug problem for most of the years we where married.
 I've been on my own for 11 years now, and don't date, mainly because my choices are limited here. It seems the only places to meet guys in this area is either at church (I'm non-religious, so don't attend) or at bars (once bitten, twice shy; plus I don't drink) :'(...........As for volunteering there aren't many places here that are not already full with people doing court ordered community service. And then there are the ones only interested in one night stands, I won't play that game.
I'm 52, but I don't feel my life slipping away, I take one day at a time,  try to find the  joy in everything I do, and if it is in the cards that I should meet someone, he'd better be prepared to deal with an independent female that expects equality in all things, including mucking ponds and dirty dishes

[Bullfrog]

We all become comfortable in our lives when we get married and settle down. Dating, or trying to find someone who you really click with in middle age is another thing. I met my soul mate on Dreammates.com.

[aravenschild]

hey,
 I'm not putting down men or trying to find that special one...............

I know there are a lot of good ones out there, I just don't feel like looking, that does not mean you shouldn't...

[lorraine1960]

for the most part i don't look and it is true i have been alone more then with someone...i just feel sometimes like i'm missing something...and i tried the  online dating thing to have gone out with 4 freakazoids...i think its easier for a man looking for a soul mate...women really do come on undignified and half naked and it is really disturbing to me...thats not me...so i am gonna keep my usual motto like u ...if god wants me to have someone then like all other times he will have to slap me in the face with them.......thanks for all the responses i just needed some advice...i am by no means lonely but i do get alone at times.....i am very independent and the man like my late husband better have a strong heart...i love to do outside projects...he was not intimidated by it at all,in fact we worked very well together...if he is suppose to be my last then it was a wonderful marriage while it lasted....

[Julles]

I was going to say about what Kittyzee said... From what you posted, it's not the huge house and fine living that you want, but the companionship, community, children, a sense of belonging, of being needed and important, etc.

Often, you find the best people when you're not looking.....

Meaning, being involved in other things, having a full life, and being happy and content will give meaning to your life, and when you are content, it seems that good things (like good men) come to you, rather than you having to search them out.

Volunteering needn't mean a soup kitchen.  There are all sorts of ways to get involved helping people, and meeting people.  Thrift stores run by charities often operate with volunteer labor, animal shelters need volunteers, kid's after school programs, people that tend to pets while the owners are in the hopsital, and also clubs you can join, like gardening clubs, ecology groups, any special interest you may have - bridge, cooking, auto repair. 

MeetUp.com is a great way to get to know people with similar interests.  NOT a dating group at all, but people who share interests.  Find the local chapter in your area.  I belong to a wine-tasting MeetUp, two or three cooking ones, and one that visits museums.

[LeeAnne151]

Since you love ponds and gardens you should look for friends locally who also love ponds and gardens and that way you may meet someone to date who loves ponds and gardens.

Garden Web has regional gardening forums, you might join there and see if there are any pond or garden clubs you could join. They often have meetings/potlucks/plant trades/tours etc. Even if there isn't anyone that you find attractive you would be meeting others who share your interests who are local. I have met several ponders and gardeners in Portland by trading plants on Garden Web though they don't seem to be as much into getting together as we are on this forum, it is a thought.

You might also check around and see if you can find any singles groups that you could join. I know someone who belongs to an over 50 group and they have wine tastings and go to local events or attractions together etc. She is really enjoying it. Some singles groups are affiliated with churches but if that isn't your thing there are plenty that aren't. If you are religious and that is important then check your church. I remember my mother going to potlucks and dances for "parents without partners" way back in the 1970's.

There are national and regional clubs/groups for just about every kind of plant (koi and goldfish too) and many have get togethers. I know there is the Hardy Plant Society, plus groups for rose, iris, daylily enthusiasts etc. I'm sure there are many more and Garden Web's individual plant forums are a good plant to find them and also find others locally who are into the same plants as you. You can also get good plants cheap when you join.

There is also the national university Master Gardener program. Went I went through it locally years ago I was just about the only one under 50, many were retired. Many made friends over the 6 week training. Then there are loads of "payback" opportunities to reunite with the people you trained with and meet others.

[Esther]

Also, jealousy may not be exactly the right word that describes what you were feeling. Jealousy sounds kind of nasty and the kind of feeling that gets you down and makes you depressed. I think that a person can recognize something that they don't have that might be nice to have and maybe envy that posession a bit but in the end also realize it wouldn't be right for them right now or ever for that matter.

[Bullfrog]

Somewhere a Queen is weeping...

Somewhere.. a King has no wife...

And the wind, cries "Mary."

Jimi Hendrix

[lorraine1960]

well i'm home now and back to my norm and feeling alot better...no i'm not jealous because even though she has had beautiful homes,cas and diamonds her love life is always rocky and i would live in a tent with a lover and be happy....i haven't felt weird since i returned home and worked on my pond and visited my neighbor friends who r both 72 but we get along great and do alot of projects together...i am gonna look into groups here for gardening and ponding though just to be around people who love the same..in fact i went to a hordicultural meeting about 6 months ago with the gatden society i need to check on the next meeting.they are all over 50 but who cares....THANKS ALL OF MY PONDER FRIENDS HERE for letting me vent....and this therapy is always FREE       love ya'll.....................

[Johns]

Lorraine,

You are a beautiful lady and there have to be at least 10,000 men in this country who would love to be with you.  The best plan in my opinion is to put yourself into as many situations as possible where guys with common interests are likely to be.  As nature takes it course, you likely will meet someone soon.  But even if you do not, remember the wonderful times you had with your late husband and smile and also know that being alone may not lead to loneliness, but rather to solitude, which is its own reward.  Also take joy in your sisters children.  And anytime you do feel blue, go watch your fish for an hour, then come and tell us all about it.  It'll help, I promise.

[Jerry]

I think Johns and LeeAnne nailed it.
Nothing will happen if you say home, Just get out there!  You will be fine

[Esther]

The grass on the other side of the fence is always greener.

[jw]

Esther, actually the grass on the other side of the fence right now is dry as a bone and I've watered mine and it's green so I'm staying where I am  .