Sick and Tired of Holiday Gift Giving Stress

[LeeAnne151]

My SIL calling from the store, telling us that there was only one left of the toy her son must have from us for Christmas and did we want her to buy it for us was an improvement over previous years where she showed up at the door and demanded money for what she already bought him. However, I'm sick and tired of the whole thing.

I love my new career but I'm making less than half of what I made before. Closer to 25% and that wasn't a huge amount of money in the first place. All of my friends and family have lots of material things. They buy things if they want them. The kids in the family have far more than enough toys.

I don't have money to give everyone gift certificates or cash. I wasn't home and wasn't prepared to hit Black Friday sales.
 I can't afford to send pricey online food gifts like Harry & David.

I'm about ready to bake everyone a cheesecake and call it good. Bob and I like to cook/preserve.

Any thoughts on simplifying or streamlining?

[Bartman]

I know this isn't realistic for a lot of people, but we just stopped the gifts for our immediate family.  What we do know is perhaps buy a few dollars in scratch and win tickets then we all sit around for 30 minutes doing those and laughing.  The whole shopping and wrapping was getting so stressful and expensive and I'm glad we just took the plunge and put an end to it.

I suggest no presents for anyone over 16 for starters and e-cards for 90% of the people you'd normally send cards to.

The cheesecake sounds good though.  You could send me one! 

Bart

[CT]

I appreciate a small, inexpensive gift of food, plant or a donation to an animal charity. I wouldn't be offended if asked to stop gifting. I would just explain that you are going back to celebrating the true meaning of Christmas. See if they can figure out what it is.  So many seem to have forgotten.

[CliffandJoann]

Well, gift giving got out of hand in my family, nieces, nephew, nephews wives, nieces husbands, grand neices and nephews...it just grew and grew and grew... My list was 38 gifts to buy, before getting to my own kids! ...One year I said, this is the last Christmas, we are doing this, I only want to buy for my kids and grand kids, and the children in the family...every one agreed, some reluctantly...The ones that were reluctant were told "if you want to continue gift giving you are free to do so...just remember you can come in with gifts, but yer not going home with any! 
I was also tired of getting all these gifts myself that I didn't want or like.

Now everyone agrees, "how did we all do, that insane shopping? It much more enjoyable when you only have to buy for your own immediate family and some small grand nieces and nephews.
Put your foot down LeeAnne, think about what you want to do and tell everyone what you are going to do.
Like I said, tell them you can come in with a gift if you want too,    but you're not going home with one! 
Joann

[jclements]

Sheesh, LeeAnne! Is this the same SIL that you want to strangle with her g-string??? All kidding aside, I think it's a great idea (the no gift thing).

We're doing an out-of-state move about 2 weeks after Christmas and are really not into the whole gift thing this year. I mean, I'm definitely buying my kids presents, but that's about it! My family is just going to have to understand that we don't have the time or money to be out spending this year. I also agree about getting things you don't like, that happens to me so often, especially when I take so much time to get the perfect gift for each person. I also find certain family members spend way more than they can afford, and I hate that too.

I'm all about baking. For years after we were first married (translation: pretty poor!), I made gift treat bags for each relative complete with a framed photo of the kid. One family member eats those little butter cookies and he kept the tins for me. I spray painted them gold and made my own navy blue ribbons for them, you should be an expert with ribbons since you were a florist for so long! Those big blocks of melting chocolate are really inexpensive and you can even do it in the microwave. I made peanut clusters, almond clusters, chocolate covered pretzels, coconut macaroons, etc. Everyone likes something tasty to eat! Cheesecakes are good too, but can be expensive! If you can buy the cream cheese in bulk, you should be alright though. I just made a pumpkin cheesecake last night and would be thrilled to receive one from a friend. I'm still not like a millionaire or anything, but find it difficult to mail the chocolate treats I've made in the past. SInce being in Florida, I have instead opted to send out quantities of Florida citrus fruit from an on campus fundraiser. It's like $12 for 20 lb of fruit, but then the shipping is about $15. It adds up fast, but I think it's been an OK gift for grandparents and other indirect family members.

Good luck, and as I start packing, I'll find those DVD's to mail. I haven't forgotten, just too busy to find them!

[tammie]

Boy LeeAnne your SIL is a piece of work!  I've have told her if her son "needed" it she should buy it and have Santa give it to him!  Is she your brothers sister, or your brothers wife?  I'd bet talking to either one isn't going to help?  How about another relative that you can call and at least split the cost of this must have toy?  I love Christmas time, but not all the gift stuff, especially the credit card bills!  We have 4 kids and when they were home I would buy things like a years worth of shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrushes, a case of their favorite soda pop, underware, blah, blah, blah.  In other words - stuff I would be buying anyway.  And there would always be one special gift.  This year we have one child here, and she's moving to Seattle on 12/26.  This year it'll be gift cards, nothing to pack.
For the other people we "have" to buy gifts for I put together a goodie basket (with Harry and David pears...) apples, nuts and homemade cookies.  Those pears are to die for!  
I'm not very helpfull, am I....
Tammie

[LeeAnne151]

Yes, same SIL, she is my husband's sister. She is very materialistic, greedy, selfish. He thinks so too, it isn't just me.....He answered the phone and told her "no" when she asked. I can't believe that she asked, twice, she hasn't. She just bought the gift and then demanded money for it.

I was thinking I could buy a small springform pan and make mini cheesecakes? Cutting the pumpkin recipe in half? I've never made one and don't know if that would work.

I was also thinking DH and I could make some coffee liqueur but don't know how long it takes. A friend has a delicious recipe.

Even without buying for the multitudes of neices and nephews my list is too long.

[GAJen]

LeeAnne, we exchange small gifts with grandmother and mom else that is it. We use to spend tons of money on Christmas.......not anymore. Oh the dogs get spoiled this time of year.

[Teresa]

Presents are supposed to be given because you want to give them, not because you are told to give them.  If you cannot afford them this year, then by all means go with something simple and homemade for those you love most and want to give to - for the rest, explain that you'd prefer they not buy you anything as you are not in a position to give expensive gifts this year.  If they are family, that should be enough.

I've had gift issues with my in-laws for year . . . they punish my children if we don't come and visit them for the holidays and if we do, my children see very clearly that they are not the favorite grandchildren.  Every year my MIL would ask the girls what they wanted for Christmas and they'd tell her what they wanted most of all . . . every year she'd tell me that she was getting that and then they got to be disappointed on Christmas day because they didn't get it at all.  So I finally told them to make their list and save the things the most wanted for Santa and me and only ask her for small things - now that they are older, they understand why, but I never told them. 

I've long since quit trying to give gifts to all my nieces and nephews and sisters and brothers . . . . there are just too many (6 kids in my family, 2 in DH's - and lots of offspring).  But if I do find something that suits one of them, I'll get it. 

[maryvonne]

That's pretty immature on your SIL's part. We all agreed a few years ago to stop the gifts and focus on trying to get together for some quality time instead. We all buy for the children though since our kids were spoilt when they were little. We also share our baking etc. It's a lot more fun that way.

Maryvonne

[Joyce]

It's really nice to go out do dinner as a big group and everyone pitch in for their share.
Have a toast, wish everyone good health and a happy new year.
Great way to get the entire family together with no cooking fuss, and you can leave whenever you want.

We used to give gifts at the office amongst the office staff,
now we just do a big dinner at the restaurant of our choice.

[-Greg-]

I guess we are just not there yet, not that I could'nt see wanting to stop in the future, but right now, we enjoy the shopping/wrapping/exchanging process with the family, we have 28 on our list, 10 of which we ship of of state, not including our two kids, and we never expect any in return, if someone in the family cannot afford any gifts, that is just fine. We also have a Christmas party for our friends (adults only) where we do an ornament exchange, then we have a Christmas party for the neighborhood, then we have another party for our family. It is my favorite time of year, from decorating the house, to building my Dept. 56 Christmas display!

[Krista]

we stopped buying gifts several years ago for everyone but our kids and each other.

Everyone on our list (and it's still huge) gets some kind of base, whether it be a holiday platter that I get for 75% off the Boxing Week sale the year before or a basket in my craft room and I fill it with baking, my chocolates and an ornament for every child still living at home. Our list is huge, and the one year we suggested not giving on my side, they suggested we make things..

not always cheaper though.....

[Desertponder]

I completely understand how you are feeling LeeAnne.

For years, DH and I would go into debt every Christmas buying gifts for everyone that we were "expected" to give to. It was very stressful and upsetting to me when I knew we couldn't afford it. The problem was my DH's mother who insisted on the gift giving to DH's brothers and their families. About 10 years ago I started really bucking her on it but she didn't care. Then when our business was in trouble and we had no choice but to not buy gifts for everyone we were finally able to get it stopped. It just so happened that DH's younger brother was also in financial trouble that year and also could not buy for everyone at Christmas. DH's mother threw an absolute fit and she was very upset that Christmas but it was reality and she had to deal with it. She was so ticked off that she wouldn't speak to us for about 6 months. Since then, we have not bought alot of gifts at Christmas for other family, we just had to stop because it just wasn't doable anymore. In the years since then I try to make things, mainly food items to give if I need to give something or want to give something. People seem to be just as happy with those gifts. I have a recipe for brandied fruit cake that I have done in the past and people rave about them. However, I can rarely remember to start the brandied fruit in the summer so its ready by November. In recent years I make quite a bit of Almond Toffee and give to people.
Sometimes I miss the  years when we had presents and went Christmas shopping but I don't miss the stress of the financial burden. If you want to do cheesecakes or something similar to give to people, by all means do it. Don't let the pressure of what people might think push you to spend money you don't have to spare.
As for your SIL, its time to say "no."  Sure, she'll be mad for awhile but she'll have to get over it.

[Timgod]

My family decided to stop most of the issues years ago. We still buy for those we really are close to... Mothers, Fathers and the little children. Everyone who is of age to work is given an opportubity to draw names if they so choose. That way you only have to buy one gift. It eased up the financial issues considerably. We decide each year on a limit...ie $15 to $20 dollars so no one feels cheated.

My wife's family has a lot of unreliable members. You never know who will show up or who will bring a gift. For that situation we came up with a different scenario. Each person who wants to be involved in a gift drawing brings a gift designed for their sex. In other words a guy brings a guy gift and a gal brings a gal gift. That way even if only three people bring gifts they at least will get something in return.

My wife and I both work in retail so going shopping after dealing with crazed and stressed out shoppers all day is not something I look forward to.  Since we don't have to buy upwards of 40 gifts any more it eases our stress as much as the monetary savings. We actually spend more time visiting than opening presents and I think the fellowship with family should be the most important thing anyway. The kids are happy and we get a chance to play cards, dominoes shoot the breeze etc.

Tim

[Esther]

Well I would be just so ornery if somebody told me that I HAD to purchase a certain thing and didn't even have a choice. Now if I asked and had said this is what I am spending and the suggestion fit the $$, then OK. BUTTT I am just ornery enough to sweetly thank your blasted SIL and say (can you believe I'm suggesting that you lie) "Sorry, I already have started something for Jr", and then go out and buy some very irritating noise maker like a drum or horn or something.

We began drawing names and had a suggested dollar amount. We even had each person make a list of suggestions and pass it around some years. Then we dropped that and I buy for everybody (just our kids and grandkids) and they buy one gift for us from each family. This year I'm giving preloaded Mastercard or Visa gift cards to each of the adult children instead of buying gifts. That way they can spend them anywhere. I might eventually even switch to giving everybody gift cards. Once DH retires, then who knows what we'll be able to afford.

Our kids and their kids and DH and I, get together with my Dh's sister and BIL and their kids and grandkids about 3 weeks before Christmas and we all bring food. We eat and sit around and talk and eat some more. NO GIFTS. This year my single 31 year old nephew has invited us all to the house he just bought this summer, his first. He's so excited about his first Christmas in it.