Author Topic: I can't stop crying (Read 4417 times)

mascot · « **on:** May 17, 2011, 06:21:35 AM »

I can't post as "Blind 'Too" anymore.

I woke up this morning and Rocky was making some noises, and when I looked in his cage he was hanging upside down from one of his perches, he barely had the strength to hold on. He had been sneezing a bit the night before, but otherwise seemed okay and we spent some 'couch time' together. I uprighted him and held him as he took his final breath, and at about 5:20 he passed away, very quickly. I still keep thinking I'm going to hear him call out to me for treats, it hasn't completely sunk in. He's been my companion for over 19 years, and I didn't think this day would come so soon. I don't know if I'll have a necropsy done, I'm still battling through my emotions and have been crying for an hour now. I just can't believe it... I want to hear him call out to me like he's done so many times. It seems like he held on long enough to say goodbye to me, then crossed over.

RIP Rocky... I will miss you forever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=172KhIgrWIM

trish · « **Reply #1 on:** May 17, 2011, 07:58:34 AM »

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your tribute to him was wonderful and I could tell he was very much loved.

Jerry · « **Reply #2 on:** May 17, 2011, 07:59:18 AM »

A very sad time we know. It is life. Life can be hard as well as joyus.
Try to take joy in all the good times. Not easy I know. Hearts are with you

tammie · « **Reply #3 on:** May 17, 2011, 08:59:31 AM »

Oh I'm so sorry! :'(
Tammie

Kittyzee · « **Reply #4 on:** May 17, 2011, 10:26:32 AM »

Oh my God Michael, I'm so sorry. I can hardly type through my tears. My heart is breaking with you in your unspeakable loss. I know how much you love Rocky and so did he. I am so glad he wasn't sick long and you had time to say goodbye. My prayers to you and for Rocky in the days ahead. :'( :'(

rdrboone · « **Reply #5 on:** May 17, 2011, 10:55:34 AM »

I am so sorry for your loss. Our pets can really grab our hearts.

rdrboone

Mikey · « **Reply #6 on:** May 17, 2011, 11:19:22 AM »

I feel your pain Michael.

mascot · « **Reply #7 on:** May 17, 2011, 11:19:44 AM »

Thank you. I still can't believe he's really gone, he was family to me, not just a pet. I kept thinking I heard him peep again, then I got mad and started smashing things. Then when I had to clean it up I was worried that the shop vac would bother him. It will be a while before I get over this, I've been through so many struggles in my life and for the past couple decades he was there, unconditionallly, and gave me something to smile about when times were tough. I don't think any words I can say will epitomize how I truly felt about him.

greenthumbnails · « **Reply #8 on:** May 17, 2011, 11:34:31 AM »

I am very sorry for your loss...

tweetybaby2005 · « **Reply #9 on:** May 17, 2011, 12:04:59 PM »

I am so sorry for your loss. $:-\$

Kuan

reddad35 · « **Reply #10 on:** May 17, 2011, 04:06:02 PM »

Memories are strong and something you can hold onto forever. I feel for your loss and hope the pain can turn into joyess memories soon. I loved the video, thank you for sharing Rocky with us.

mascot · « **Reply #11 on:** May 17, 2011, 04:53:07 PM »

Thank you. I will remember him always, all his antics and the funny things he did and how gentle and loving he was.

I just buried him in my back yard on the hill. I put his favorite toys in with him, one stick that he liked to whittle down to nothing, and a big hanging toy that he loved to make noise with by smashing it against the cage. It was so hard to do, I wrote on the box before I buried it and taped a picture of him on the outside of it. I still can't believe that he's gone.

Kittyzee · « **Reply #12 on:** May 17, 2011, 05:04:48 PM »

:'( :'( :'(

bunny56lbc · « **Reply #13 on:** May 17, 2011, 06:08:42 PM »

I'm so sorry for you're loss.... :'( :'( :'(

bonnie

Holldoll · « **Reply #14 on:** May 17, 2011, 07:48:54 PM »

I'm so sorry for your loss!! :'(

Julles · « **Reply #15 on:** May 18, 2011, 07:47:42 AM »

Michael, I am just stunned to read this. I am so very sorry.

I can't imagine you without your 'Too. I remember him dancing and bobbing in the video... it's clear that he had a good life with you, and that he loved you as much as you love him.

After so many years, it will be quite an adjustment learning to live "single" again.

Hugs, and take care of yourself.

Indiana Karen · « **Reply #16 on:** May 18, 2011, 08:58:54 AM »

Oh no Michael............I am so, so sorry. I watched your video, crying one moment and laughing the next. I want to watch it again, but I need to get a grip on myself first.........it's so heartbreaking. You will get through this, with time.

Karen

mascot · « **Reply #17 on:** May 18, 2011, 09:25:49 AM »

Thank you. it was soooo hard waking up this morning and not hearing him peep like he always did. Out of habit, I looked over at his cage and it hit me all over again. I went out to look at his grave and just started bawling. He helped me through all the big struggles in my life and it's very heartbreaking knowing that when I come home from work today he won't be here to greet me.

Thanks for letting me share Rocky with you all... he was as much a part of my life as a child would be.

-Michael

Mikey · « **Reply #18 on:** May 18, 2011, 10:14:14 AM »

You mentioned coming home from work. I seem to recall several months ago you mentioned you were let go after voicing your opinion with a boss. I'm glad to hear you are at work again.

emm · « **Reply #19 on:** May 18, 2011, 06:47:50 PM »

Really, really sorry to hear that Rocky has gone. I've enjoyed looking at all the pictures you've posted of him over the years and had some good chuckles looking at your YouTube video tonight. You miss him horribly and I will miss seeing him show up in your posts from time to time. He was a bird with personality. Thank you for letting us know what happened to him. I will be thinking of you.

emm

KatFish · « **Reply #20 on:** May 18, 2011, 09:49:54 PM »

Oh, honey I'm so so sorry for your loss. He was such a special little fella and I loved all the pics and stories you've shared of him. Rocky may be gone, but never forgotten - by you or us here and everyone else you've shared him with. I will be thinking of you at this tough time.

miguynmkoi · « **Reply #21 on:** May 19, 2011, 09:40:16 AM »

So sad to see your post, Michael. I think we have lost a good buddy in Rocky too. You shared many videos and posts of him in the past. When you came to my house for the AP get together you also spoke lovingly of him. Rocky was a big part of you and it may be a while before you get out of your routine habits that made you both so close.

I also think he loved you enough to hold on and give you one last hug in the end. You gave Rocky a fine farewell.

Be well my friend.

Bartman · « **Reply #22 on:** May 19, 2011, 12:00:58 PM »

I'm sorry to hear this. I didn't realize how big a part he played in your life. Was very sad reading about how hard this has been on you.

Bart

mascot · « **Reply #23 on:** May 19, 2011, 07:16:10 PM »

I really want to thank you all for your thoughts, and for letting me share my life with Rocky. I have to be honest here, I've had more support and concern from people I have never met in person than I have received from my own mother regarding Rocky's passing. People I've never communicated with, who saw the news about Rocky on one of my YouTube videos, have reached out to me and told me how sorry they are to hear the news, and that means so much to me that people, like you, can have that kind of compassion during this extremely difficult time in my life.

Rocky, at the risk of sounding off-kilter, was like my child - he was all that I had when I came home, or when I woke up and needed some sort of interaction. It's significant to me that people like you pour your heart out, and sometimes cry, when they realize how much Rocky meant to me. For that, I am grateful. I don't expect any of you to stop your lives or drop what you're doing for me, but knowing that you hurt with me means everything, because that is what this very unique and special bird was to me - everything.

I know I sound like a bumbling idiot, but I want you all to know that it has meant so much to me that you can understand my feelings. I lost a big part of me and it will take a long time to heal... but knowing that you understand will make that time come faster.

Thank you.

perplexed ponder · « **Reply #24 on:** May 20, 2011, 04:04:24 AM »

Anyone who has ever loved and lost a pet understands how you feel. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope the happy memories will comfort you in the days to come.

Kittyzee · « **Reply #25 on:** May 20, 2011, 07:12:57 AM »

Michael, you don't sound like a bumbling idiot at all, but a person who is devastated at the loss of his best friend. I do hurt with you and am grieving with you--I love that kooky, silly bird: he had such a unique personality.

I know what you mean about people holding you up, helping you, whom you've never met. I happened to me, right here on this site. People helped me here more than anyone helped me that knew me personally when my daughter had the 4 wheeler accident. I guess people who know me thought I was strong enough to go it alone, so they let me. Go figure. But people here were praying for me and much more, and that's what made all the difference.

Indiana Karen · « **Reply #26 on:** May 20, 2011, 02:42:34 PM »

Yes Michael, we do hurt with you. I know how close the bond can be between a guy and a Cockatoo.

I felt a closeness to Rocky because a dear friend of ours also had a "Too" named Cesar. I loved that bird..........our friend, Tim, had trained Cesar to poop on cue! He would fold a paper towel, hold Cesar over it and say "take a big one", then he could sit on my shoulder!!! Tim was killed in an ultralight crash and at the funeral home everyone was asking what would happen to Cesar. If I remember right, Tim and Cesar had been together around 25 years. Their bond was very close and I'm sure Cesar grieved when Tim died. Tim was paralyzed and Cesar was his best buddy. Tim's brother took Cesar.

Hope each day gets a little easier for you.

Karen

Esther · « **Reply #27 on:** May 21, 2011, 05:00:07 AM »

Yup, anyone who has lost a beloved pet will understand how you are struggling. They become one of our family, always there to give us whatever we need at the moment, no questions asked. The only thing they demand is ATTENTION and they give back that and more. I've never had a bird but have had cats and dogs and now have Smokey the poodle and Mittens the cat. As I type, they are both sleeping on the bed with "Daddy". Smokey knows who Daddy and Mommy are and I can tell him to go to Daddy and he will. Sometimes he comes to me to ask for a treat. (How do I know he wants a treat?) When I ask him what he wants, he does this big slurpy lick. So then if I'm too lazy to get it right then, I tell him to "Go ask Daddy." And he will go in the den and start the same procedure with Pete. Yup, they are part of our lives and especially for you. You've had lots of struggles during the past years and TOO has been there for you to be your best Bud and fill in the blanks for you. You've been fortunate to have him. Pete says that when these pets die, we won't be getting any more. I just can't imagine life without a pet.

Desertponder · « **Reply #28 on:** May 24, 2011, 03:55:56 PM »

My word Michael! I'm so very sorry! I haven't been on the forum for awhile but was shocked to see this.
Having parrots myself at one time, believe me, I understand how difficult it is and how very quiet it is when they are gone. When my Amazon died I had a really hard time, particularly when I would come home from work because she would always start yelling when I came in the door. Those of us who bond very closely with our pets and consider them family members know its never easy to lose them. Once again, I'm so very sorry. :'(

LeeAnne151 · « **Reply #29 on:** May 24, 2011, 07:37:45 PM »

I'm so sorry for your loss, I haven't been around much and just now saw this post. I know how hard it is to lose a pet. Hugs to you.