I agree with your point but have to mention that we see things on TV, hear things in the lyrics of songs
on the radio, or see inappropriate stuff on bumper stickers all the time that are far more offensive to me than what was said here. Having raised 2 sons and helped raise 3 other children, I didn't put them in the closet so they wouldn't hear offensive stuff. I tried to explain what was said and why I didn't agree with the content. I'm not saying that certain things weren't off limits but didn't get particularly hyper when I realized they had been exposed to things of which I didn't approve.
It is very hard to control what is said by each and every person in such a large diverse group of people because we don't all think alike. It seemed that it could have been enough for the offended person/people to let the moderators know that there was something they didn't approve of, let them make the decision about the measures to be taken and then forget it. There is no reason to berate/PM/tell off/criticize the people who may have posted the so called offensive words. The final decision about our behavior in the end is up to the moderators. Whose behavior was more offensive in this situation? Had we let Sean and Jerry handle this, we wouldn't have lost a good member of our group and left such a sour taste in her mouth. And the rest of us wouldn't have our tails in a knot. If the offended people tried as hard to post information, pictures and help people as much as Jen, our forum would be even better than it is.