Letters to Mom

[alwayssomethin]

My keyboard too is soak. Thanks for sharing.  I will post my letter to mom a little later.  I need to pull myself together.  I lost my mom 22 days before I turned 18.  But I will post.

[Mikey]

With respect to raising children a Bible verse I find interesting, and comforting when my kids were younger is Proverbs 22:6 where is say, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

Hmmmmmmmm........ "...when he is old he will not turn from it."  There seems to be no assurance about their behavior when they are young....  This certainly was a comfort during our kids teen years.......  and it came true for us because they are wonderful adults.......not to say they weren't good kids....just challenging at times................

[mascot]

“Train a child in the way he should go" - I have to wholeheartedly admit that while I have zero respect for my father and don't care for him, it is because of him that I am who I am today.  Oh, he trained me alright...he inadvertently trained me to not be like him.  Every example he set, I chose not to be like that.  I'm a pretty screwed up individual, but at least I know that I'm a better person by virtue of the fact that I'm not full of hate and anger like he is.  I don't hate my father or my mother...I just don't like them for who they are.

[happyoutsidegirl]

That's an amazzing story! I'm glad you feel comfortable enough here to share it with us. I'm so sorry tho about you and your mom.  :'( That's just wrong of her. You need not be with her but please forgive her. You needn't even tell her, just do it. I would be more than proud to call you my son, and I will adopt you in a heart beat! So if ya ever get the hankerin to come up north  awaise, please stop in.

[mascot]

Thanks, Deb, I appreciate that...but you'd have a lot of explaining to do since I'm 47! 

As for forgiveness...since she doesn't feel like she did anything wrong, forgiveness is wasted on her.  I'm not bitter, angry or hateful towards here - just fed up, that's all.  Same with my father, a lot of people say to forgive him for his years of abuse, but he doesn't think he did anything wrong either, so there's not sense in forgiving him.  I don't forgive people for me, I've learned long ago not to hold onto any anger or resentment, but at the same time I also need to hone in on my skills of recognizing when I'm spitting into the wind, and take action sooner. 

[happyoutsidegirl]

Thanks, Deb, I appreciate that...but you'd have a lot of explaining to do since I'm 47!
Well um, well, What's age? When my son turned 30 I was still 29 and holding! I asked him how does it feel to older than old mom? He laughed and told me he didn't mind at all cuz I was so youg at heart! Now he's 39  and I jumped to 66. so see it could work!

[wolfmom]

I never got the chance to know my mom. She died of cancer when I was 2 years old. I don't remember what she looked like (except for pictures), I don't remember her touch or her smell or her voice. I think that if I wrote her a letter I would thank her for giving me life, even though it probably helped to cut hers short. I hope that I have become the woman that she dreamed I would be. I try to be a good person and care for others. My children tell me I was and am, a good mother, although it seems like I was growing up with them. I hope my mother is proud that I'm her daughter.

I really want to tell you about a letter that I wrote to my father. As a sophomore in high school, in 1967, my typing teacher gave us an assignment that for Fathers Day we were to write a letter to our dads. I wrote the letter, thanking my dad for putting his life on hold as he raised two daughters on his own. I told him that I was sorry that sometimes I was a spiteful and ungrateful daughter (as we all were at 15) and that I would try to be a better person and make him proud of me. I told him that I loved him with all my heart and always would.
I didn't know how much that letter meant to my father until the day after he died, when I found it in his wallet. It was deeply creased and careworn. He had shown that letter to all of his friends, and carried it with him for 11 years.

So please, don't wait until your loved ones are dead to write them letters. If they are still living, write them so they can appreciate them now. You will never know how much those written words can mean.

[happyoutsidegirl]

Wolfmom, I do so agree with you, and I am so gald that my DDH and I told each other I love you every day. Ya never know when will be the last time?

[Keekee]

They are all close to me. I never asked if I could share their stories or memories here but I think that they would not really care. I am proud to call them friends and think that they touch on things that go beyond what makes us just flesh and blood.

They confess the  memories that make us all people. Dancing on Daddies shoes, make believe coffee, fear calming voices.

The visits in dreams when you were still young and healthy, and yes, clapping every time I caught a really small perch. I hope that somehow we can all find some healing in this, by looking back at the small things.

Some people just say it so well.



Hello Bullfrog!
And a huge "Hello" to everyone on this Forum. Thank you for letting us share your corner of cyber space. I am KeeKee. I am known as Lawlady on the Channel 6 Forum. My dear friend Bullfrog invited me to come over and chat with you all.

A bit of personal info for you: I was born in Port Arthrur 8/58 (St. Mary's hospital) but my parents brought me home to Nederland. I have lived there my whole life. I met and married my high school sweet heart and we have been married for thirty one years this April. We have two grown sons and no grandchildren yet...still waiting!!! I drove a school bus for Nederland for nine years, was a substitute teacher at the high school for two years and then went back to PNG and drove a bus up until 2006. Developed asthma and had to get away from the diesel fumes. I now work in a law firm in Beaumont since July '06 and so far I'm very happy there.

I love to laugh and have a great time. I have a huge heart that often gets bruised and that can bring the German roots out in me real quick. I try not to say anything when I am angry as it tends to not be nice words. And we all know that Words are very hard to get back once you have spoken them.

I look forward to chatting with all of you....thank you again Bullfrog for inviting me. I see my dear friend Texasbelle is here too....hey girlfriend! We need Yorkie to come over if she hasn't already.....Love to all.....Keekee

[Esther]

Hi KeeKee and all of Bullfrog's friends. You sure are welcome here. As I said earlier, you'd better be careful or we will be talking you into installing some sort of water feature. You have been warned. LOL.

[Bullfrog]

Kee Kee is the one who wrote that really beautiful letter to Dad as Lawlady on the "Letters to Mom" post.

Kee Kee is a really wonderful woman and a true Christian. I'm glad that she posted here and hope that she continues to grace us with her words.

Come back Kee Kee and talk to us.

[Mikey]

My father abandoned my mother, brother and me when I was about 5 or 6.  We apparently were destitute and per my brother we lived out in the open adjacent to the L.A. river living beneath oleander bushes.  I remember walking along the river picking dandelion leaves, or something similar, and that is what we ate.  My mother had her own problems, alcohol being one of them, and she was eventually committed to a state hospital.  From about age 7 on I was raised in foster homes.  For many years I hated my father.  I had no interest in seeing him and one day learned he lived in the city where I worked and he had remarried.  I found this out when another officer working the front desk facetiously said to me one night, "Hey Mike, they arrested your mom for drunk".  I looked at the booking slip and although she had the same last name she wasn't my mom.  However, the person she listed as next of kin was in fact my father.  I was in my 30's at that time and I still hated the man.

I had become a Christian at an early age thanks to Aunt Helen, who I talked about in my earlier post.  My Christian beliefs taught me that as one who has accepted God’s forgiveness for my transgressions then I am expected to forgive others just as God has forgiven me.  If I don't forgive then I forfeit God’s forgiveness in my daily life.  That was a difficult pill to swallow and I refused to swallow it for many years.  However, I eventually yielded and turned that hatred over to God and even though I never saw my father and even though he never asked for forgiveness, I did in fact forgive him.  Having done so I finally experienced the complete peace that comes with closure of that aspect of my life. 

[happyoutsidegirl]

So Mikey, ya think that's where I'm going wrong? I have a lot of madniss and hatered for my DDH doctors still. Maybe forgiveing them will help me to move forward in my new life.But like you said that's a huge thing to swallow knowing what they new and did nothing.

[Keekee]

Hi KeeKee and all of Bullfrog's friends. You sure are welcome here. As I said earlier, you'd better be careful or we will be talking you into installing some sort of water feature. You have been warned. LOL.

Thank you so much Esther....you know, we did have a little pond in our front yard. I would put coi in it and the snakes would eat them. it was like a Roman bath house for snakes so we did away with it.
 Went outside one day and saw those snakes all sitting around with thier little towels around thier waists and sippin margaritas!!!  Just kidding....guess I better get to know you folks better before I start my Tom Foolery!!!


I still have the palm tree and the other tropical plants around it. Some weeping crepe myrtles that we keep trimmed up are around it but the pond is gone.

We love ponds, always have...but we live so close to the LNVA canal that snakes have been a major problem over here. Since the pond has been gone, we have not seen hardly any snakes any longer. Wish I would have known yall then, maybe you could have given us some pointers on how to take care of that problem.

And Thank you Bullfrog for your sweet words.....you are a wonderful man and I consider you a good friend.

Thanks for the welcome Esther....good to be among nice folks!!!!

[Mikey]

Went outside one day and saw those snakes all sitting around with thier little towels around thier waists and sippin margaritas!!!   Just kidding....guess I better get to know you folks better before I start my Tom Foolery!!!

LOL @ KeeKee 

So Mikey, ya think that's where I'm going wrong? I have a lot of madniss and hatered for my DDH doctors still. Maybe forgiveing them will help me to move forward in my new life.But like you said that's a huge thing to swallow knowing what they new and did nothing.

Loosing your husband to careless medical treatment, or lack thereof is something I have never had to deal with.  Only you can answer that Debbie.  But if you are a follower of Christ then you are commanded to forgive.  When I hated my father I was in bondage and didn't know it.  My forgiving my father set me free and whatever he did to our family is completely on him and I know longer dwell on it and I guess that's where the peace of mind comes into play. 

[Esther]

Bitterness and hatred only hurts the person who is harboring those feelings. Sure we can understand why you feel the way you do but the only way to get rid of that sore spot is to get rid of what it picking the scab off. There will probably always be a scar there but let the wound heal. You are fortunate to have so many great memories of your DH and miss him so. What if that were not so? Don't let the negative thoughts overshadow the good ones. Bit by bit as you practice letting go, it'll get better.

My first DH took off with one of our friends about 26 years ago after 20 years of marriage and 1 1/2 years of infidelity. I think it would have been easier then if he would have died. Just saying that to let you know that I know it's easy to hate and be bitter, but not so easy to let it go and forgive. I feel I have forgiven but sometimes the bad memories creep in, even now and I have to focus on what God has given me since that is soooo much better.

[Bullfrog]

Wow, how do I reply to all of this? I have been trying not to post because I have to take Vicodine to relieve the pain in my knee for right now. It turns out that Beaumont Bone and Joint Clinic is only open on Saturday during football season.

I have been saturating my self with one Vicodine and a lot of rum so I don't hurt. Tomorrow morning will tell the tale I hope, if they can do a Cat Scan right there.

To kill the pain and boredom in the meanwhile, I do the painkillers, Vicodine and Rum. It sure beats hurting but still I read the words here and want to respond to them. I worry about what I may say under the influence.

Still Mikey, I thought that I had it hard growing up. When I read of you living under Oleander bushes and picking Dandilions to eat, my background pales in comparison.

It is really kind of amazing to see where we all came from and have been through. I don't want these stories to be buried in the sands of time. I want us to share them so that we can learn from each other.

Mikey lived under Oleander bushes. I had to hunt rabbits so I had lunch at work the next day. Esther's husband betrayed and hurt her heart. He left her after 20 years of marriage.

My daughter and put a gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger. We all live with a lot of really painful memories but somehow, we all lived through it.

And now we stand looking at those who have gone on before us. We try, somehow to reckon with reality and to somehow deal with it. Looking away is the easy answer.

We bind that memory up really tightly in a box and tuck it away in the attic. We don't go there and look at it. It's like Pandora's Box. Once we open it and look inside all of the hurtfull things escape and we have to face them.

But sometime, after the years go by we do get the courage to peek into that box, a little at a time. We look back as bad as we don't want to and see our loved ones that have gone before us.

I have a VHS tape that my sister gave me after my daughter died. It is my daughter dancing at a school event. I once tried to watch it. I reached for it and could not place it in the VCR.

I still can't do it.

We are people and we have a heart. Sometime that heart hurts so bad that you can't actually open the box all of the way. You just have to peep into it a little at a time.

It has been 11 years now but someday I hope that I will be able to put that tape in and watch my daughter dance. I can't do it now, it still hurts too bad.

Didn't mean to whine and cry. I just wanted to show you my Daddy side. Perhaps I should not post on Vicodin and Rum.