Gossip problem, what would you do?

[LeeAnne151]

I take riding lessons at a barn and have become friends with the owner and my instructor. Another person who was taking lessons when I started whom we all really liked got mad and left and is bad mouthing the barn owner and instructor at her new barn to the point where some people have removed their horses from boarding and leasing for lessons. This has caused hurt feelings and loss of income for the barn owner and instructor. (IMHO this person was in the wrong for being mad and is being spiteful because she was rightly told she wasn't ready to do more advanced riding )

None of us knows what to do about it. We are all flabbergasted that this gal would act this way. She is still friends with someone who boards at the barn who passes along information unknowingly used as ammunition. We are sure that the person is just sharing details during conversations and doesn't realize that the disgruntled person is doing harm with them.

for example a leased horse had to be put down because he colicked and got a twisted bowel despite the vet and barn owner being there with him all night. Anyone who knows horses knows that colic happens but she twisted it around and is blaming the barn owner. This horse was actually underweight when he was leased and had been blossoming after a couple of months of good feed and proper care. It was a tragedy but not anyone's fault.

The barn owner and riding instructor are at wit's end. They don't know if they should confront this woman, hire a lawyer, hold their heads high and ignore it or if they should talk to the gal who is still friends with her and ask her not to share any details about the barn. They don't want her to leave too, not only does she board and take lessons she half leases her horse to a 4-H girl and they'd lose that income as well, plus we all really like her and are friends.

it is so high school. I have no experience playing such games. I've always been up front and open. They asked my opinion and I just don't know what to say. The people involved are all women over 40!

[Jerry]

The ones that dropped out because of the gossip were wrong.  If they had no complaints why take a gossip's word?

I would have an attorney send a letter.  The threat of a slander suit will get her attention!

[bunny56lbc]

I agree with Jerry on this . They need to hire a lawyer & get a letter sent to her .
Maybe if she think's she's going to be sued she'll stop the slander .

Colic is something that has to be caught at an early stage with horse's . Worm's can cause it , several diffrent thing's can cause colic.The horse will lay down & roll over & over until the stomach get's all twisted up . A very painful death for the horse .

I hope they can get this taken care of before it get's too far out of hand.


bonnie

[tammie]

I agree with having a lawyer send a letter.  And being me I'd post a copy of the letter on my bulletin board!  No way the gossiper can "embellish" what the letter said!
I'd bet money that the horse that coliced, coliced from a obstruction.  When a horse is starved they will eat anything to fill their belly - rocks, wood, tree bark, hair, just about anything.  Then the horse's GI trac will coat the foreign object, much like a oyster making a pearl.  Sooner or later that "pearl" will get caught somewhere. When that happens nothing can get past it, the horse colics. 
I'm sorry the barn owner is having to deal with the crap!  And you too!  This kind of stuff is the reason I'm only in the barn early, early in the morning - when there isn't any humans around! 
Tammie

[LeeAnne151]

The horse was skinny with neglected feet but he was well trained with a good temperament so they leased him for a lesson horse. After a month of good food, regular grooming, regular exercise and seeing a farrier he looked like a different horse. It was a shock when he colicked. The vet did say he was sure it was related to former poor diet.

I am shocked by the behavior of the disgruntled person. I had no idea that adults indulged in such petty but harmful gossip. She seems really credible when you talk to her. I really liked her and was so excited to meet a horsey friend but when I would not leave the barn or participate in her bitching she dropped me like a hot potato.

She over stated her riding experience and wasn't able to properly ride the horse she had leased and when they sent the horse for more training since it had been getting away with bad habits and they asked her to ride a horse more suited to her level of experience she freaked. OK, fine. She went to a new barn. That is great if it is working out for her but why wage a campaign of gossip for almost six months now?

I don't know if a lawyer could do anything. There is no proof. The people who have taken their horses away to the barn where she is now at aren't saying it is because of her. No one has named her as the source but she is the only person it could be. They are losing another horse this weekend. He was half leased to an adult and to a 4-H kid and now both of them don't have a horse to ride plus he was used in lessons too. The little girl is really upset. She was going to be showing him and maybe qualifying for the state fair.

[Missa]

The attorney letter sounds good especially since the gossip caused a loss of income, damages (to her personally).

[happyoutsidegirl]

Maybe a very nice but straight forward letter in your local news paper. We apalagise for any inconvienances that were caused because of false rumers that have been sent around. We can assure you that they are not true and we strive to do everything we can for the health and safty of our stock and customers. Blah blah blah.
Unfortuinitly some people are just trouble.

[Kittyzee]

I don't know of course, but I would guess that where ever this woman goes she does the same thing, given enough time.  It is too bad that other people left because they listened to her, but they'll figure it out or not. Smart people will see what's happening and distance themselves from someone like her.  I guess that if you are a good business and do things the right way, that speaks for itself.  No body likes these kinds of people, but they are everywhere.  Why defend yourself when plain good business practices need no defense?

[Jerry]

The idea of the letter was to scare her good!

[Jonna]

I could be all wrong, but in my experience people like this do repeat their behavior wherever they go and they are always trying to be the center of some drama.  Sending her a legal letter could just feed that drama addiction in her and keep the whole thing going.  Then she could be the victim. 

I think I would recommend a meeting of people at their barn (or a posted letter if they can't get them all together) and an explanation of what happened with the horse and what happened with the disgruntled rider, just leave her name out of it and let them figure out who it is.  Then say that they are open to anyone who has problems or questions and that they hope everyone can resist adding to the drama and move on.