The difference between cars and women:
If I look at another car, mine won't get jealous. If I look at another woman, I'll pay for it for a month.
If I take another car out for a ride, mine will still be there when I get back. If I take out another woman, she'll take half my house, half my furniture, and probably take my car.
If I don't get up in the morning, my car doesn't mind. My girl will call me fat and lazy.
If I put on a couple pounds, my car will give me extra seat belt. My girl won't give me extra anything except lip.
When my car gets old, it won't ask for a paint job or body repair. My girl...I just know I can't call her old.
If I want to get some accessories for my car, I can get whatever I want. My girl won't let me pick stuff from the Frederick's of Hollywood catalog.
I can start my car anytime I want. She has a headache. Again.
If I have a convertible, I can take the top down anytime I want. If I try to take hers down I get slapped.
If my car gets too loud, I can get a better muffler. If she gets too loud I can't even cover my ears.
If I don't like what I'm hearing from my car, I can change the station. If I don't like what she's saying....tough!
If I don't feel like taking my car out it doesn't care one way or the other. If I don't take her out I get an earfull.
My car will never ask me to buy things for it. She expects me to buy things for her.
If I say my car has a big trunk with plenty of room, it's okay. I don't dare tell her that she has a big trunk...even if she does!
My car will never ask me if it looks fat. When she asks, I better say no.
My car will never hang out with other cars and claim they are "just friends". She claims that about every guy who doesn't like me.
If my car needs an overhaul, I get to do it myself. I don't dare suggest that she needs one.
If my car needs a body wax, I call a friend to do it and he does a great job. If she wants a body wax, she always wants the Swedish guy to do it, not me.
I can turn my engine off whenever I want. She will stop talking when she's damn good and ready!
I can register my car at the DMV. She wants to register at Saks Fifth Avenue or Nordstrom's.
I will stop here because the rest can have a bit of a dirty-minded nature....
