Author Topic: People who won't let you get a word in edgewise.... (Read 5096 times)

Julles · « **on:** May 12, 2009, 08:53:55 AM »

I took a friend out to breakfast last week. This guy consideres himself a "philosopher" - has it printed right on his business card. And he LOVES to hear himself talk.

Can you believe he talked throughout the ENTIRE meal, about an hour and a half?!

Mostly about himself, his clients, his experiences, things he knows, things he's done. It was very frustrating, and very un-fun. I had made a short list of things I wanted to talk about, but never got to a single one.

Whenever D. did take a break to eat a bite and I would start a sentence, that's when he would start hailing the waiter, looking about the room, or sit there nervously shifting his eyes, waiting for me to take a breath so he could jump into the conversation and hijack it for his own topics once again. Anything I managed to say, he found a way to turn the conversation back to himself or his own topics.

I left there feeling a little angry, because he had essentially cheated me out of an enjoyable get-together. More than that, I guess I felt devalued and even used, because it was clear that he wasn't interested in me as ME, but he just wanted ANY old body to be his captive audience.

He's a nice person, he's fun and truly witty, and I like him. But I can honestly say I am not enjoying the times when we get together occasionally. When people get together, there ought to be a fairly equal give-and-take between them, and both of them ought to be able to let their lights shine.

That was Monday. Can you believe that Tuesday, the same thing happened? I went out for Cinco de Mayo with four friends. The two guys were talking amongst themselves, and we three gals were talking. I listened to my friends for a while, and then when I opened my mouth to say something, S. turns around in her seat and starts calling the waitress. She appologized, and I started talking again. Darned if she and the other gal didn't start up talking to each other and to the men on other end of the table, right over me, and totally ignored me!

This time they both knew they did it, they both knew it was rude, but by then, the conversation had moved on, the restaurant was noisy, and it, well, it was over and no reason to ... well, what the heck was I going to do anyway?

Still, it ticked me off.

Anybody else?

Kittyzee · « **Reply #1 on:** May 12, 2009, 12:19:21 PM »

Oh yeah, on the second get-together I would have ordered a drink and had my own party

Your first experience sounds dreadful, just because his ego is so large there's no room in the place for anyone but him. He's probably one of the people that when they are shaking your hand, they never look at you but behind you to see if there's someone better for him to move on to.

I would guess he may not have a lot of friends at this point, and with good reason. Of course there's nothing wrong with being a good listener, but you need to have your time in the sun too. Friendship should be a give and take, not a marathon spent with a fast-talking ego trip.

tracey_shafer · « **Reply #2 on:** May 12, 2009, 04:51:52 PM »

And you called him a friend, why?

Esther · « **Reply #3 on:** May 12, 2009, 06:00:21 PM »

Guess I wouldn't call him anything after that. Who needs people like that who devalue you to your face? Learn and move on.
That's one thing nice about a forum LOL. We can't interrupt each other.

Jerry · « **Reply #4 on:** May 12, 2009, 06:57:55 PM »

I know it's hard, but someone must tell him. I get wound up too and watch it cause I am aware.
Maybe he has no clue? In my case it's excitement. Dead air is ok sometimes.

As the actor said to a date. "Enough about me, let's talk about YOU. How did you like my LAST picture?"

Sunbeam56 · « **Reply #5 on:** May 13, 2009, 05:14:08 AM »

Frustrating.

I'm rude myself. I would have told the guy... we are here to have a conversation. A conversation means you talk, then I talk, then you talk. Dictation is when only you talk.

And I would have left a twenty on the plate and walked.

I'm bad about voting with my hat. I put my hat on my head and leave...

There are so many really REALLY nice people out there. You don't have to subject yourself to people who aren't nice.
But, the flip side is, if the guy truly is a friend, you gotta wonder what was making him so insecure?

Roark · « **Reply #6 on:** May 13, 2009, 05:25:12 AM »

I had a client like this yesterday. We're prepping him for trial, and he wants to rehash his case, how bitchin' it's gonna be to tell "his side", etc. Balls. My job is to get him simmered-down and briefed on what's going to happen, how we get there, and give him the tools he needs to avoid shooting himself in the nuts. But he interrupted me EVERY time I started to speak. So finally I threw the moose on the table, bluntly, and gave him the choice: "I need you to sit down, hush-up, and stop talking over me. I need you to listen, carefully, at what I'm trying to tell you, because without it, you're going to lose rather spectacularly".

Ya know what? It worked nicely. I think the lad is going to do fine.

Roark

Jerry · « **Reply #7 on:** May 13, 2009, 06:39:23 AM »

Good one Rorak. My son has told me similar tales.

Julles: If he has Philosopher printed on his card...He ain't one!

Ones persona should speak for itself!

greenthumbnails · « **Reply #8 on:** May 13, 2009, 07:04:18 AM »

I have 2 bosses like this guy...yeah, I had to take 2 jobs to get full time work...sucks but is better than being unemployed or underemployed. Both people like to go off on long winded tangents about why their way is always the right way based on their experience and never listen to my side of the story or my own personal experience in similar situations. Sometimes they talk for so long that my eyes glaze over and I have to look at something else (I like to look people in the eye when they talk, to not do so seems rude to me). Sometimes, I interupt them to get some kind of word in otherwise and they look really agitated like "how dare I interrupt them..."

newbieincaliprincess · « **Reply #9 on:** May 13, 2009, 08:24:37 AM »

I'd like to chime in on this topic... ::)We live in a small town and when one lives in such a place you tend to cross paths often. My guy has this friend that I went to high school with. Back then the kid was annoying, now....

wow. There was one weekend in particular not long after my guy and myself had first moved in together that he came over to MY HOUSE set up his wii and spent from 8 am saturday morning till almost 11 sunday night playing bowling on his wii in my living room, telling my guy and myself how we should act together...what we should do, how we should live... ect. of course he is the loser living off his grandpa and drinking non stop. Never once did he even try to control himself. It got so bad that when I was finally getting angry and tired and picking a fight with my guy and once again he cut me off right as I was talking to my guy that the water works started flooding. I was stuck between being the big B-word and telling him to get the heck out of my house and wanting my home back, my privacy, and my frickin sleep!

or just allowing him to keep walking on me and not making my guy chose between his "friend" and me. So what did I do? I sat down and cried. :'(

We get up at 4 am every morning to go to work this guy come by our house at 10 at night knocking on our door REGULARLY. Any he wonders why he has no friends. My sweet man is such a sucker for a sob story and feels bad for the guy. I personally CANT STAND HIM! He is forever trying to show us his hernia scar $:-\$ , talking about getting intimate with my guy then trying to say it was a joke.... UGH

! That man is the rudest, most moronic man I have ever met in my life and I would love to tell him where he can put his personal opinion but then... that would just make me the bad guy.

Oh and the worst part.... he thinks he is a genius, that he is remotely attractive and that he has options... Honestly believes he will get his supermodel dream girl, while he claims his job is to "take care of my grandpa" and grow marijuana in his garage. Why can't good guys come with a "no stupid friends" guarantee?

Roark · « **Reply #10 on:** May 13, 2009, 09:48:48 AM »

Cali: Two thoughts.

1). Next time he's over, make sure he hears you saying to your other half: "You know? The more Doofus is around, the more I think I want kids. Lots of kids. I was thinking... maybe... six or so?"

2). Next time he's over, grab some girlfriends and have them over. Tell them to bring their cameras... preferably video. Get him a little tipsy and then have everyone beg to see the hernia scars. Lights, camera, action. At the end, everyone starts laughing at him, and runs for the computer. "What are you guys doing?" he asks. "We're posting it on YOUTUBE!!!!".

Either way... no more problems?

LMAO!!

Roark

newbieincaliprincess · « **Reply #11 on:** May 13, 2009, 10:19:51 AM »

ROFLMAO!!!! Too funny Roark. I love the second idea!!!

The thing is... he has no clue he is so rude. He honestly believes himself to be a good guy. And wonders why not even our soft heart ed selves want to come watch him jump around his living room and kill leggo star wars while he tells us about mindless stuff. Almost as bad as a "friend of mine" that can't stand it if every ones hasn't heard what she bought latest or how much money she spends on stuff... WHO CARES!!! Ugh all I want is people to be respectful and polite... is that too much to ask?

Yah I figured it was

.

britishcolumbia · « **Reply #12 on:** May 13, 2009, 11:34:11 AM »

Quote from: Julles on May 12, 2009, 08:53:55 AM

I left there feeling a little angry, because he had essentially cheated me out of an enjoyable get-together. More than that, I guess I felt devalued and even used, because it was clear that he wasn't interested in me as ME, but he just wanted ANY old body to be his captive audience.

Anybody else?

oh im hearin that.

guy contacted me off the dating site i am registered with. we have nothing in common, but weve hung out a few times. and its been nice, casual. he said the reason he first contacted me was bc he thought i was "funny"; he said to me, "I laffed from one end of your profile to the other". he is actually a sweet guy. but hes grumpy.

hes so grumpy that all he can do is brood -constantly- about what a mess his place is as he intends to move soon.

im like, But dude, if you stopped complaining for an hour and just did some cleanup you would get past this. i helped him clean up for 1/2 an hour....

hes whinning away constantly about all his problems. finally, i said, Look! You HAVE no problems!

then he says, "This place looks better already!"

but the actual reason i was there was to pick up some rat poison he said would work on my rodents in the house. instead of giving me the poison -or offering to do it for me- he says,
"Im going to vacuum now."

:'(

im like, Dude!

he says, "I gotta clean up".

so i said: Im going.

he said, "OK", and then he left the room -and- closed the door!!

i thought OMG! ive been dumped!

so i got up to go...

...i open the door... and on the porch there was this stray that is at his place all the time. an orange tabby and we love each other. she purrs when i touch her. she lets me hold her.

she doesnt have a name.
he used to say "You and that cat."

he had kicked her out as soon as i arrived.

he grabs her and says, Shes goin out."
i said, no!
he said, "Shes goin outside! She stinks!"

and he chucked her out.

...so on my way out i saw her on the porch. and she looks up at me...

...and im thinking...
Ok, well, i guess this is the last time for us....

...shes purring away at me... ...shes holding me with both arms around my neck...

and in a split second, i decided. i start running to the car. we busted out.

she even loved the car ride over. shes right at home. were both happy.

and yes, she stinks.
she also has fleas.
she drools when shes asleep, which is all the time, except when shes following me, but who cares?

her nap schedule has kept her very busy so i am starting to doubt she will take car of the rodents.

newbieincaliprincess · « **Reply #13 on:** May 13, 2009, 11:55:12 AM »

RIGHT ON!!!! I'm sure you two will be very happy together! Seems like a match made in heaven!

now that you got rid of the guy that is!

britishcolumbia · « **Reply #14 on:** May 13, 2009, 12:44:39 PM »

ya. she doesnt play any headgames. no mixed messages. no grouchiness. no insecurities. she constantly follows me around. i put my hand out and she comes right over for a scratch. if i dont hit the right spot she gently grabs my hand with her paws and places it where she wants to be scratched. she doesnt mind being picked up. she loves cuddles. she purrs all the time. shes mellow. shes very appreciative. we get along. we enjoy each others company. and theres no BS.

p.s. she has some post-traumetic stress disorder bc she starts easily. but shell calm down.

newbieincaliprincess · « **Reply #15 on:** May 13, 2009, 01:17:38 PM »

Quote from: britishcolumbia on May 13, 2009, 12:44:39 PM

ya. she doesnt play any headgames. no mixed messages. no grouchiness. no insecurities. she constantly follows me around. i put my hand out and she comes right over for a scratch. if i dont hit the right spot she gently grabs my hand with her paws and places it where she wants to be scratched. she doesnt mind being picked up. she loves cuddles. she purrs all the time. shes mellow. shes very appreciative. we get along. we enjoy each others company. and theres no BS.

p.s. she has some post-traumetic stress disorder bc she starts easily. but shell calm down.

She sounds like a special kitty! I am SO glad you have her now and not some phyco that's depressed about a dirty house but too lazy to clean it! (yet he would rather nag about it

lame). I do a lot of volunteer work at our local no kill shelter and I see so many special kittys that people just "toss out" inexcusable. I almost got in an accident this am on my way to work when I tried to avoid the most beautiful charcoal grey tomcat with a lightning shape pattern of white on his face. When will people start being responsible? Any who great to hear your horror story had a happy ending! So I guess in your situation you did find love online!!!

mascot · « **Reply #16 on:** May 13, 2009, 01:45:17 PM »

How about people like a (former) friend of mine: he asks a question beginning with "How do you..." or "Where is..." or "Why does..." (obviously not a one word answer to these) and before I get the second word out of my mouth he's already asking his third question. Drives me crazy....ask me a question, wait for the answer before you ask me another question.

But yes, same guy is also someone who does not let you finish what your saying before he's changing the subject to suit himself. Even if I had started talking...it was like I never said a word. argravating....talking is one thing, but interrupting is very rude. So I did it to him one day when he was trying to tell me how to live my life. He tried telling me what he thinks I should do so I interrupted him like he does to me and he got pissed off because I didn't let him finish. That was my opportunity to walk away and we haven't talked for about 3 weeks now, even though he lives right across the street from me.

Julles · « **Reply #17 on:** May 13, 2009, 07:17:32 PM »

BC, that scenerio is exactly what I was trying to say, in your dating thread, when I said that now that I'm older, once I see some trait in a guy I don't like, it's a sign that he's not for me, and I no longer feel obligated to stick by his side as a good girlfriend should. Now, if I don't like what I see and hear, I'm out of there.

The problem with most of these rude people, dealing with them I mean, is, most of us are so nice, and we don't want to hurt people's feelings, and we don't know how to stand up for ourselves and get the cad to stop hogging the conversation.

As I get older, I'm much better at standing up for myself. Not quite as ballsy as Sunbeam, but I'm usually willing and able to get my message across. But it's harder when it's a good friend who's being the jerk. Also, I've noticed that I'm better at this sort of thing the second time around. The first time I encounter a situation, I can be frozen, not knowing how to deal with it. But when it comes up down the road, I've usually figured out a way to handle it.

"But, the flip side is, if the guy truly is a friend, you gotta wonder what was making him so insecure? " Now, THIS is an interesting concept, and I'll bet you're spot-on. I'm going to have to spend some time thinking about insecurity causing people to over talk, and see if I can use that as a way to make the person more comfortable, and thereby allow me to talk some.

britishcolumbia · « **Reply #18 on:** May 13, 2009, 07:35:42 PM »

Quote

I am SO glad you have her now and not some phyco that's depressed about a dirty house but too lazy to clean it!

ROTFLMAO!!!

britishcolumbia · « **Reply #19 on:** May 13, 2009, 07:39:08 PM »

julles,
i guess i can change my name to cat lady now.

britishcolumbia · « **Reply #20 on:** May 13, 2009, 07:46:23 PM »

Quote from: Julles on May 13, 2009, 07:17:32 PM

But it's harder when it's a good friend who's being the jerk. Also, I've noticed that I'm better at this sort of thing the second time around. The first time I encounter a situation, I can be frozen, not knowing how to deal with it.
[/color]

ya it feels like being slapped in the face. i was just sitting there is shock. but thats fine. he emailed me later and said, "Wheres the cat?!"

britishcolumbia · « **Reply #21 on:** May 13, 2009, 08:44:57 PM »

Quote from: newbieincaliprincess on May 13, 2009, 01:17:38 PM

you did find love online!!!

somewhat ironic isnt it?

tracey_shafer · « **Reply #22 on:** May 13, 2009, 09:08:50 PM »

Quote from: britishcolumbia on May 13, 2009, 07:39:08 PM

julles,
i guess i can change my name to cat lady now.

wear it proud,

My dd got my a cat lady tee, single women love it. At least to can fix the cats problems. Men that broken (and cheep) are not worth the trouble. Going to an online dating site to get his house cleaned? Will not vet the cat or get flea drops, Cheep creep.

britishcolumbia · « **Reply #23 on:** May 14, 2009, 01:40:17 AM »

Quote

Going to an online dating site to get his house cleaned? Will not vet the cat or get flea drops, Cheep creep.

ya, what a twit.

hey guys, now how do i get the smell of cat pee out of my house and quilt???

help!!!

Esther · « **Reply #24 on:** May 14, 2009, 06:11:39 AM »

So are you saying kitty is peeing in the house now? I had a cat who started that after 3 years. Took her to the vet to be checked for urinary tract infection and nothing. They sold me cat pheremones, told me to scrub wherever cat had peed and then spray. Kitty then peed somewhere else. By the way, this was a fixed female who was spraying. After spending a considerable amount on the problem a week later, I saw her do it one last time-------and had her put down. There is nothing worse than the smell of cat pee and when I've spent a lot of time and money to have a clean house, I'm not about to let an animal ruin it. We've had cats and dogs for years and have a cat and dog now but that one cat must have developed a problem in her mind or something. Everywhere Cocoa peed on wood, it lifted the surface finish. Where she peed on the wall, it ran down behind the baseboard.

I suspect your cat is used to being an outside cat where they are used to marking their territory. HEY, get her/him fixed. That usually stops it but sometimes it doesn't, like with mine. The vet said that sometimes there's nothing you can do to stop it.

As for getting it out of the quilt, launder it or send it to the cleaners. Um does kitty use the litter box? She's not used to a litter box being an outside cat. I don't know if your chances are real good getting her to stop marking around. Do you have other cats?

I remember my son had an inside cat in the city and other cats would come up on their porch and spray the front door and side of the house. It was after that their cat started spraying in the house.

Years ago, he had a cat in an apartment that was kept separated from his roomie's cat. Kevin's cat began spraying too. Maybe it's a bigger problem than I realized, or maybe it's just us having bad luck.

KatFish · « **Reply #25 on:** May 14, 2009, 06:43:15 AM »

I had a cat that sprayed (female). Long story short, in her case it was jealousy. My other two cats got too much of my time that she wanted, so she sprayed. Anyhow, she lives with a friend now and has stopped spraying. Good luck.

britishcolumbia · « **Reply #26 on:** May 14, 2009, 08:35:35 AM »

thanks guys... good tips for cleaning. thats exactly what i did. i washed everything, sprayed deordorizer everywhere, and washed the quilt (i had to toss a bunch of towels though bc i can only do one load of laundry at a time, and the place was stinking). i just bagged up the towels, to toss out with the trash, bc i just could not do that much laundry at once and i HAD to get that smell out asap as i am having a house inpector over friday (tomorrow) and im afraid this could ruin the offer i have on the house. i had all the wet and dirty towels bc after she peed and pooed everywhere she decided to wipe her dirty bum on my quilt. i smelled it instantly. what a sharp odour. then the quilt was too big for my washer so it flooded my bathroom floor 3 times, or was it 4...? ive never actually had a kitty before. but hiho. thats an unpleasant smell. later i caught her playing with her poo. i even tossed out the nightie i was wearing bc she was all over me on the trip back to Assh*les place. i would rather have rodents. the rodents arent cute but they mostly let me sleep. and they dont stink and wipe their dirty bums on my bedding. for sure she is not the indoor type. and worst of all she sleeps all day so im tiptoeing around her all day. she kept starting. then after five she slept like a log. but anytime i got up she would follow me. i usually go to bed between 9:30 and 11:00. she woke me up repeatedly trying to get into the bed with me. she kept me up for hours. she kept trying to settle down, but everytime i would start to sleep she would get up again. im not used to that. im winding down at 9 pm and shes just getting up. she was just getting started with the pee/poo thing after midnight. anyway. i was up until 2:30 cleaning. its hard to function without sleep and i have important appointments today and tomorrow. anyway, she is an outdoor cat. too bad. our cycles are opposite and thats not going to change.. she sleeps all day and is ready to party at night. shes back where she belongs now. shame. shes darling... but trouble? omg! i need sleep!!!

im going to need buckets of coffee just to stay awake!!!

Julles · « **Reply #27 on:** May 14, 2009, 09:15:34 AM »

I had a client, and one of their cats would get up on the teenaged daughter's bed and make messy, gooey poo smack in the center of the comforter. Did it as a matter of routine, and only to that daughter.

tracey_shafer · « **Reply #28 on:** May 14, 2009, 10:51:41 AM »

Quote from: britishcolumbia on May 14, 2009, 08:35:35 AM

thanks guys... good tips for cleaning. thats exactly what i did. i washed everything, sprayed deordorizer everywhere, and washed the quilt (i had to toss a bunch of towels though bc i can only do one load of laundry at a time, and the place was stinking). i just bagged up the towels, to toss out with the trash, bc i just could not do that much laundry at once and i HAD to get that smell out asap as i am having a house inpector over friday (tomorrow) and im afraid this could ruin the offer i have on the house. i had all the wet and dirty towels bc after she peed and pooed everywhere she decided to wipe her dirty bum on my quilt. i smelled it instantly. what a sharp odour. then the quilt was too big for my washer so it flooded my bathroom floor 3 times, or was it 4...? ive never actually had a kitty before. but hiho. thats an unpleasant smell. later i caught her playing with her poo. i even tossed out the nightie i was wearing bc she was all over me on the trip back to Assh*les place. i would rather have rodents. the rodents arent cute but they mostly let me sleep. and they dont stink and wipe their dirty bums on my bedding. for sure she is not the indoor type. and worst of all she sleeps all day so im tiptoeing around her all day. she kept starting. then after five she slept like a log. but anytime i got up she would follow me. i usually go to bed between 9:30 and 11:00. she woke me up repeatedly trying to get into the bed with me. she kept me up for hours. she kept trying to settle down, but everytime i would start to sleep she would get up again. im not used to that. im winding down at 9 pm and shes just getting up. she was just getting started with the pee/poo thing after midnight. anyway. i was up until 2:30 cleaning. its hard to function without sleep and i have important appointments today and tomorrow. anyway, she is an outdoor cat. too bad. our cycles are opposite and thats not going to change.. she sleeps all day and is ready to party at night. shes back where she belongs now. shame. shes darling... but trouble? omg! i need sleep!!!

im going to need buckets of coffee just to stay awake!!!

Playing in the poo sounds like a cat trying to bury it which is what they do, did you have a cat box in the house for her? It really sounds like she needs a vet visit to rule out problems before dumping her back with the jerk. Maybe find one that will bath her also and if she has long fur sometime they have trouble cleaning their bums. She is having some type of behavior problem and needs to be checked and you both need to get use to each other.
I did have a female cat that had cat box problems but it was because of the other cats. You have no other cats you should not be having the problem so I think it could be medical.

KatFish · « **Reply #29 on:** May 14, 2009, 11:06:33 AM »

Butt scooting often = anal glands.