Author Topic: lost... trying to figure it out (Read 8404 times)

sooks · « **Reply #30 on:** July 13, 2009, 04:18:51 PM »

"I tried so hard to be everything he wanted me to be, that I lost track of who I was, and I stopped existing."

Wow that's a really good quote!!!

KatFish · « **Reply #31 on:** July 15, 2009, 08:17:06 AM »

So sorry. Been there. I know it doesn't help, but it will get better. And you have lots of friends who care!

Joyce · « **Reply #32 on:** July 15, 2009, 08:40:44 AM »

Michelle...we need to hear from you...because we care and you've become a part of AP.

sooks · « **Reply #33 on:** July 15, 2009, 09:36:00 PM »

Hey Michelle you should listen to this song by David Cook. It's called "Come back to me"

Jerry · « **Reply #34 on:** July 16, 2009, 10:22:37 PM »

I don't know how I missed this. You got sage advice.
Let me ad one thing, and i guarantee it. You will look back on this and kick yourself.
You will land on your feet and do a lot better!

Things do work out for the better.

Rad Michelle · « **Reply #35 on:** July 17, 2009, 11:49:35 AM »

Hey there family!
I suppose I can say I'm doing alright.. I'm still a little lost, especially now that he isn't here I'm not sure how I'm going to keep our house. He still hasn't spoken to me. I'm suppsed to go visit with his mom to (she's like my mom) I'm seriously dreading the day he comes to get all his stuff before he leaves.. Idk how ill b able to handle that if he won't talk to me. Because I want more than anything for him just to talk to me... Aside from that and being lost it definetly isn't as hard as it was initially.. But mayb because I'm detached and indifferent. I think I want to move away. Kinda torn between stayin and repairing everything because I like my life... Or starting over completely. Love u guys.

Rad Michelle · « **Reply #36 on:** July 17, 2009, 12:21:28 PM »

I think I'm already anticipating him telling me he's nothing to say and he doesn't care anymoer and just walk out on me forever... So I'm thinking my conclusive statement will be... "Alright.. You know I love you something, and that I'm here for you, and your breakin my heart and all I can say is I tried.. So I guess just remember our good times." ? Or what's a good goodbye - I hope he thinks of me when he's gone.. Should I make a small scrap book for him to take or is that too much? Ugh! How do ppl just walk out??

mascot · « **Reply #37 on:** July 17, 2009, 12:32:59 PM »

"how do people just walk out"...

you got me there. the woman I was interested in last was sending me emails telling me she was going through a rough time, and her last email said, "I really miss you, thank you soo much for caring, it means a lot to me, more than you know. Talk to you soon XoX" and then I never heard from her again and her email acct is gone.

We spent two months falling for each other and she can just walk away without a word to say?

Sometimes I think the best thing to do is not give them a reason to think about you...let them wonder why you aren't still pursuing them. Why feed them what they want?

but what do I know...48 and never married....I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing! $:-\$

Joyce · « **Reply #38 on:** July 17, 2009, 01:33:36 PM »

Michelle, no scrapbook, no lengthy gushy goodbye, nothing.
He doesn't deserve it. And you're better than that.
Give him nothing, no emotion...cut and dry, like you said: detached and indifferent.

Do NOT allow him to control you enough to move, or change your life in any way.
This includes controlling your emotions. Be in control.
YOU control your life. Stay put, and continue growing gorgeous lilies,
posting gorgeous pix, and discussing gorgeous lilies with your AP friends.

I wouldn't even visit his mom, why subject yourself to that?

It's like rubbing salt in the wound. :'(
Best thing to do to protect yourself from any more pain is a clean break.
That means no contact with him or his family.
And for you to pick yourself up and continue on with YOUR life.

No looking back, just one life experience smarter...AND STRONGER.

Remember, if you move away and start over completely somewhere else...he is controlling you.
Only YOU should control YOU.

That goes for marriages too.

HOWELL · « **Reply #39 on:** July 17, 2009, 02:01:51 PM »

Quote from: Joyce on July 17, 2009, 01:33:36 PM

Michelle, no scrapbook, no lengthy gushy goodbye, nothing.
He doesn't deserve it. And you're better than that.
Give him nothing, no emotion...cut and dry, like you said: detached and indifferent.

Do NOT allow him to control you enough to move, or change your life in any way.
This includes controlling your emotions. Be in control.
YOU control your life. Stay put, and continue growing gorgeous lilies,
posting gorgeous pix, and discussing gorgeous lilies with your AP friends.

I wouldn't even visit his mom, why subject yourself to that?
It's like rubbing salt in the wound. :'(
Best thing to do to protect yourself from any more pain is a clean break.
That means no contact with him or his family.
And for you to pick yourself up and continue on with YOUR life.
No looking back, just one life experience smarter...AND STRONGER.

Remember, if you move away and start over completely somewhere else...he is controlling you.
Only YOU should control YOU.
That goes for marriages too.

Amen to that...
You should start writing a book Joyce....

BTW Michelle you are so much better, you stayied there and never for once got scared to talked to his face, him instead walked outta ya like a little kid would have done and never even said if he just did not want anything else from you or with ya, what a douche I must say plus a coward.
Be safe... and stay tuned.

reddad35 · « **Reply #40 on:** July 17, 2009, 02:10:37 PM »

In reading I know you still love him and would jump at the opportunity to get back together. That is not a bad thing. You might end up back together. People that say to stop thinking of him are forgetting the loved ones that broke it off with them. Its OK to still love him. That may never change but getting on with your life is the most important thing. You can still live where you live and go to the next page of your life. If you can afford the place you live and like the place you live then stay. Time heals all wounds if you just let it. You will always have memories of him no matter your location. Before you make a scrapbook, ask him if he would be interested in such a thing or if maybe he just wants to not have photos to remember the good times. His answer might help with your speed of getting on.
It would be best to take a raincheck on the mom visit. Tell her you guys broke up and would just like some time to reflect and get back on your feet. It may sound crazy but you and his moms friendship could just lead to resentment of you for taking his crutch. I am sure since your relationship was as you describe he is also hurting over this. (even though he is the one leaving) I would noot do anything other than tell him you love him and wish this was not happening. Tell him you do not understand why, you would like to know why, but if he can not give you a reason then it will have to be this way and you will miss him.

Your water garden hobby is as much yours as it is his. Don't give it up for fear of memories. Enjoy those memories and now make new ones of your own, or maybe with a friend. I hope you are able to Do the things you wish and enjoy them. I know it will be hard for awhile and there is no time table. Just know you can get through this.

Best wishes,

Jim

ladybug · « **Reply #41 on:** July 17, 2009, 02:59:28 PM »

i know it is hard advice to take, but just make a clean break. you are so young and you have scads of time to fall in love again with the right guy. the best thing i ever did was leave my ex husband of 20 years. when we went and signed the divorce papers he said, i hope we can remain friends. i turned and walked away and have never thought about him since. obviously he did something that made me forget our 20 years together. but it has been the most freeing thing i have ever experienced. i would never give him any reason if i were you for him to think that you were pining away from him.
ladybug

Joyce · « **Reply #42 on:** July 17, 2009, 05:52:46 PM »

FACT: ANYone who leaves a woman like this BOY did to Michelle is NOT a 'loved one'.

No one who truly loves (and respects) another would do such a thing.

I agree Howell, he is a coward. And he has no love OR respect for Michelle in his heart.

ANY kind of contact with him at this point would be asking for more abuse, more heartache, more trouble.

He knows he got away with it once, he'll do it again and each time it will be worse, more painful.
And to take him back after doing such a thing....masochistic!

Jerry · « **Reply #43 on:** July 17, 2009, 10:43:34 PM »

Yep. Michelle you are blessed he is gone.

Joyce · « **Reply #44 on:** July 19, 2009, 06:30:59 AM »

Amen to that Jerry!

Jerry · « **Reply #45 on:** July 19, 2009, 06:39:15 AM »

Joyce has it right, just dump his sad ass. he doesn't desreve your obsessing. The pain will pass. You will do better.

lorraine1960 · « **Reply #46 on:** July 19, 2009, 09:23:48 AM »

i sat here a few minutes wondering if i should post ... i have been alone more then with someone in my life.. and alot of that has been my choice because i was always afraid the bottom would drop out and i protected my heart.then i met someone in 98 aqnd fell deeply in love and we did everything together...married in 2000 had my dream farm and animals and a wonderful stepfather for my son who adored him and 2002 boom he died suddenly of a heart attack,everything was gone in an instant...lost everything farm,husband,everything.....very devestating...u feel like you'll never get over it...but u just put one foot in front of the other each day and carry on somehow,then as time goes on u think about it less and less.you still go thru times of sickening stomache aches and sniffles but it does pass.he will not be here for you to run into him which is good,the way i feel is he didn't truly love u anyway and if you were on again off again then it wasn'r meant to be.one day someone will sweep you off your feet and love you like you DESERVE to be loved like i had and noone can take that away....then when u least expect it he will try to come back but you will have moved on...think ahead to the future and would you have been truely happy with him and after this could you trust him?? i'm very very sorry for you but hold your head up,get out of bed and find things to do,the worst thing you can do is sit still and think....how dare he treat you that way anyway !!! JERK...
lorraine

Rad Michelle · « **Reply #47 on:** July 20, 2009, 09:09:29 AM »

He is now engaged to someone he met two days after he dropped off the face of our life. And he "is going to iraq for 400 days and can't wait to get back to marry his girl sienna"

Joyce · « **Reply #48 on:** July 20, 2009, 09:24:58 AM »

Oh Michelle...

What a creep!

He is not worth ANY more of your time!

Kittyzee · « **Reply #49 on:** July 20, 2009, 10:33:05 AM »

Quote

someone he met two days after he dropped off the face of our life

Uh huh, supposedly. Time to cross that bridge, and set it on fire. Walk away, and never look back. I did that with 2 beautiful daughters and 20 years ago--and never regretted it a day. Was it easy? Hell no. Was it worth it all? Absolutely!

Life is beautiful and very short.

mascot · « **Reply #50 on:** July 20, 2009, 10:39:18 AM »

Man, sorry to hear that Michelle. Sounds like he wasn't being honest with you for a while about what he was doing, and believe me....dishonesty and deceit are real pet peeves of mine after what I spent most of last year going through. I hope this helps you to get some closure on all of this and to be done with him completely. He can't be trusted....I wonder if his new girl knew about you? Seems he's continued his ways with her as well....

hang in there...

water_sprite · « **Reply #51 on:** July 20, 2009, 12:57:54 PM »

Michelle,

Be done with him! Not worth your tears. So sorry, I do know it's hard. I still believe there's someone perfect waiting for you and you might have missed it if you were still w/this jerk!

jw · « **Reply #52 on:** July 20, 2009, 01:13:29 PM »

Sorry this happened Michelle.........now you need to keep busy with your ponds and plants and take a breather. Visit with your friends and have fun and try not to dwell on this. It will be hard for awhile but time will heal and you will someday find the right guy for you. One who will not be a cheat.........one who has his head screwed on the right way. So sorry for his new girl too...........you know what she's in for. Maybe she can figure it out before he comes back and wants to marry her. I'm wishing you much happiness for the future.............it will come to someone as nice as you

.

Esther · « **Reply #53 on:** July 20, 2009, 01:43:14 PM »

Rah, I'm glad he has someone else. Makes it easier for you to get on with life. I'm glad too he is leaving your life, town, state, and country. You won't be running into him at the mall or grocery store. You won't be hearing stories about him from well meaning people. As hard as it seems, you are lucky to have him gone. I will tell you that a divorce with the same type of relationships is sooo much harder. It's never over especially if you have kids. The connection is still there because of them. You are lucky he left now instead of after you were married/had kids. I know, I know, it hurts like awful but it will heal some day and you'll wonder where your head was. Let it heal from the bottom up, nice and clean, and when it's all done and you're healthy again, move on, and be ready for a new life, and maybe a new love.

HOWELL · « **Reply #54 on:** July 20, 2009, 08:03:33 PM »

Quote from: Rad Michelle on July 20, 2009, 09:09:29 AM

He is now engaged to someone he met two days after he dropped off the face of our life. And he "is going to iraq for 400 days and can't wait to get back to marry his girl sienna"

He did something good I may say, he walked away and left you alone which I may guess it is better than being married to a jacka**.
You are so much better without him, and I know you're thinking how can they say that? Trust me, I've been thru that path and I always hoped for any instance to go back with her, but now that I think clrearly, she was just not worth it, just a rock on the way I had to face.
She did try to get back later and take our relationship where we left it, but I just told her no, she wanted to get back by the phone and I told her to meet me somewhere that she just wasn't gonna regret it.
As soon as she walked close to me she even hugged me and thought, I was gonna be all lovely and I just don't know what she thought, I like drama somehow and the first words I used were there is something I want to tell you and she said yes? And then I said well, I've never got to say this before but I truly want you outta my life, her face was shocking as if some car has just hit her and left her thrown on the floor.
And then I said in the most cool way and in the best good manners good bye.
That was the end of it, and I've never seen her again and never remembered how much I cared for her again.

mascot · « **Reply #55 on:** July 20, 2009, 08:17:47 PM »

yes, Howell, sometimes you just have to do it in person. I had to do that recently too. My ex was responding to emails I wrote last year, and I finally decided to go and talk to her. I think she thought I was going to tell her that I wanted her back, but I mentioned the emails and she didn't realize I hadn't emailed her since March...and here it's July. Then I told her, "I care about you and your health, but this will not work between us. We are two different people with two different beliefs" She didn't like it, but I'm not going down that same path again.

She keeps trying to say that I'm the reason why she's been single for several years, and that in itself is a riot because most guys couldn't hang past the second date with her. How I lasted a year, I dunno...but like this guy is doing to Michelle, it's time stop letting him suck the life out of you. Love it great, but when it's masked by dishonesty and deceit it's not love - it's a mirage.

cindy · « **Reply #56 on:** July 21, 2009, 12:42:08 PM »

Michelle, be thankful he showed his true colors before you wasted 2 years of your life pining for him while he was gone. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Girl, you are drop dead gorgeous, I'm glad the trash went to the curb.

While its still fresh in your mind, keep a little journal of how he made you feel right now. He'll try to get back with you, probably while he's married. You'll be surprised when the "right" one comes along, how soon you'll wonder what you ever saw in this one. Pity his wife to be.

Showing my age but my song of choice for break ups was "I will survive" and I did. My ex wanted said he wanted to come home, I told him to call his mom.

Right now it feels huge but it passes.

lorraine1960 · « **Reply #57 on:** July 21, 2009, 05:21:40 PM »

he has a real problem !!! and he's gonna do it to her also...i'm sorry.... but you will get to the pissed stage and its best he won't be here.. i agree from your pic u are beautiful and a gorgeous gentle honest man is waiting for you.....lorraine

Bullfrog · « **Reply #58 on:** July 22, 2009, 04:25:59 AM »

Garth Brooks said it well...

Just the other night at a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me
In her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

Rad Michelle · « **Reply #59 on:** July 22, 2009, 10:26:40 AM »

That's a really good song. I actually pretty much feel next to nothing these days so long as I keep away from things that remind me of him... Which is fairly difficult. But as long as I stop myself from falling into thoughts of what could have been.. And etc. Which pretty much I have to say 'knock it off michelle' then I'm fine.

Sad this is this little floozie he managed to engage is still a senior in freakin highschool and he's almost 24. I'm not sure if its a sick joke or something to push me over the edge or she just did something right the first time they met but I'm shocked he could even do it. He's definetly not the man I fell in love with.. Doesn't even look the same since he got all clean cut for the military..

I sent him an 'I heard the new and congradulations hope she makes you happy nice to know you' thing because the damn day has yet to come when he moves his shit out of the house and I don't want to fight over mutual things as I'm not really vengful. I wish that day would come and go already so I can face it and move on =( I've no desire to talk to him about anything... He wasn't good enough for me anyways in the end after all was said and done, all the 'good attributes' in him are something you can find in a lot of people or I can just handle it all myself.

I have decided to move though to my moms empty house to play catchup and start new... Start right.

And for some reason I suddenly can't keep the good guy friends of mine as friends! I just want friends right now.. Need friends right now, except for the occasional want to have a boyfriend.. Idk.

Well hopefully the time comes sooner that he gets his shit and goes.

My first named waterlily is definetly going to be in honour of my AP family.