How would you handle this one

[Freddie Peepers]

Ok,
 We put our pond in last fall. It was the talk of the neighborhood for awhile.
This year it has been planted and currently has lilies blooming

Our next door neighbors think nothing of strolling over and sitting there to enjoy their
morning coffee or evening cocktails. They move the chairs from the patio to sit right by the edge.
 They will do this even if we are not out there or when we aren't even home.
One morning I woke up and went to start the coffee,looking forward to going out and sitting by the pond,
I looked out the kitchen window and saw the neighbors already sitting in our chairs by the edge of the pond
in the exact spot that I like to sit
  Last week they didn't even move the chairs back where they belong and left their newspaper sitting next to the chairs on the ground!!!
I want to be a good neighbor, but it's getting so that we can't even enjoy our own pond and backyard in private.
 We planted some Arborvitaes in a row on the side of our patio facing their house and the first thing they asked is:
 How tall are those going to get? and:
Aren't they going to block our view of "the" pond?
There is also a small Silverbell tree planted at the corner of the patio which, when they found out it was a tree;
immediately wanted to know how big it was going to get. When my wife told them it was a small tree they started to say that
"those look like awful big leaves for a small tree" and "pretty soon we won't be able to see the pond anymore"

 Any suggestions on how to handle this and still be good neighbors?

 

[Kat]

If it was me I'd start saving money for a fence & in the mean time suggest they build their own pond.  Extremely rude to help themselves to your private property  .  That is just so WRONG of them 

[mascot]

Well, first off ... they are NOT good neighbors because what they are doing is extremely rude!  That is YOUR yard, and YOUR pond, not a "community" yard and pond, and they need to respect that.  I'm guessing that simply telling them that what they are doing is disrespectful is not something you're comfortable with?  I would suggest that when they are in your chair and you want to go out there, be a little sarcastic in nature, but friendly, and say, "kicked out of my own chiar in the morning!" and let them feel a little guilty.  If they leave their paper, bring it over and do the same thing, with a little sarcasm, "thanks, but I get my own so you don't have to leave this for me".  As for their view...next time they say, "won't it block our view" then it's the perfect time for you to say, "Hey, anytime you want to come over and enjoy the pond just call me or knock on the door and if we aren't going out there I'll let you sit by it" (completely avoiding acknowledgement that they do that without permission).  At some point say to them, "man...these chairs must have learned to walk...I'm going to have to bolt them down so they don't walk away".  This is, of course, assuming that you don't mind them enjoying your pond occassionally.  If you don't want them there at all, then you have to remind them that it's incosiderate for them to use your yard as an extension of their own.

When I first bought this house, I came home from work each day to see what my neighbor was doing to our adjoining front yards to suit his tastes, meaning he was trying to plant things and place huge boulders on MY side of the yard to accomodate his needs.  First thing I did was tell him that I don't want him to touch my side of the yard because I wanted to do it all myself.  He even went as far as pouring a vitamin B fertilizer on a plant (in mid July which is a no-no) and killed it.  I had to tell him many times over the years that he was here, to stop trying to landscape my yard.  Once, I mentioned that I didn't like his dog crapping in my yard (even though we had a fence, my gate wasn't built yet).  He looked at me and told me his dog doesn't even come into my yard because he always watches him.  I pointed to his dog squatting in my yard and said, "oh...you DO??"

There's a point where you're being a good neighbor, but you have to remind them to be good neighbors too.  Now that I have a new neighbor, I told him that I want to co-exist and just get along with all my neighbors and we both shared thoughts/ideas on planting and keeping our adjoining front yard looking nice.  He's way kewler than my last neighbor and he loves the pond and hearing the waterfall at night.  We get along great...but we do have a privacy fence separating us and that makes things easier.

Good luck...but you have to remember that you're not being rude by reminding them that they are!

[Amy]

Wow! I'm sorry but your neighbors are incredibly rude!!  I don't know what I would do, other than build a fence....a privacy one at that! But then it sounds like you will still have to give them an answer as to why you blocked them off. Man some people just have such nerve! I am interested to see what everyone else would do though

[Joyce]

Tell them tough sh!t, it's our pond, and you are not entitled to a view of it. 
Don't be afrad of being rude, they're already taken the prize for that! 

[Brian]

Isn't there a saying something about "Good fences make good neighbors"?

Freddie, can you post a picture of the pond since we can't come over anytime we want and enjoy it first hand? 

[lorraine1960]

do what i did put up a wooden fence....i had too...i felt like i was on display every weekend when they had invited people over for bbqs and one weirdo kept standing there staring and would cross over and just sit down by my pond...didn't they're parents teach them about privacy...???i tell u some people.......lorraine...oh the fence stopped it..i told them it wasn't that i didn't like them i needed my privacy and so did they..

[Freddie Peepers]

Brian
 I just posted a picture of it yesterday...when the neighbors had left
Its in pond chat...title "our pond today"

[sooks]

Wow that is REALLY REALLY rude. If I had neighbors like that I would definitely tell them off.... It's okay to be nice but DON'T LET PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER YOU. they will do it again and again and finally it'll be way too hard for you to tell them off in the end. I learned in real estate in California, when someone is allowed to go into your land for a couple of years, they will legally have the right to your land so beware. If I'm wrong someone correct me!

[mascot]

I don't know about that, sooks...this is California though and weirder things have happened.

I guess if you're extremely, incredibly good friends you won't mind it so much, but if you were good friend they would respect your privacy.  Growing up, my grandmother lived in an area where the back yards weren't fenced off.  Everyone was friends and us kids occasionally went into other yards to play with the other kids, but we never went there to hang out.

I've told my neighbor when I was going to work every day that he could come into my yard to retrieve the balls his kids kicked over the fence, and even with the open door policy he would never do it because he respected that it was my yard and never entered it when I wasn't there. 

Nos that I've thought about this more...I'm really glad I have a fence!    Freddie...what is your personal relationship with these people?  do you often visit/barbecue together or hang out regularly or are they just turning your yard into an extension of theirs because they like yours better?

[miguynmkoi]

I really have no business responding since I do have a low tolerance of people not minding their own business.  

I love my neighbors but I hate when little kids come into my yard and pick flowers just to toss them all over the place.  I would love to put a pond in my front yard but I know there will be the same kids doing the worst things to it.  HOA does not allow me to build a fence, even a very nice stone design, in the front.    Not a dog lover because of the poop I need to pick up, when I don't even own a dog!!!!  

FP, if they can hear your voice from your pond while you sit in your fav seat just hold a phone to your ear and chat to "it" telling them the nerve of some of the people on your street who do not know how to respect your privacy and how they intrude into your space and leave a mess even if it is just newspaper.  Hopefully they will hear that and if they should confront you about it you can let them know politely how you feel.

[Freddie Peepers]

This is where it gets a little sticky:
 We live in a small town so it seems that everyone knows everyone.
They are members of the same church as us too
 We have had them over for BBQ or drinks on the patio and we have also gone
over to their house for same stuff.
  I know that it's partly my own fault because I didn't
say anything the very first time I went out by the pond in the morning and they were already sitting there.
 Now it is getting out of hand. I don't want to put a fence in.
 In fact, they have a privacy fence so we can't see into their yard at all. (not that I even want to)
We just need to find a way to let them know that our yard is private property
and not create any hard feelings cause we pretty much have to see them every day

 

[lorraine1960]

yes i understand but they will get they're feelings hurt either way,even family can go too far.i still think they should be ashamed thinking they can do this.and they have a privacy fence..HELLO !!!!!

[sooks]

Freddy I would hate to be in your situation. LOL 

[Amy]

Hey maybe next time they do it you could make a comment like "oh I thought I was going to come out and relax and gather my thoughts by my pond in privacy"...or read the paper, whatever but when you say it say it a little sarcastic/smarty pantish and hope maybe they get the hint before you have to straight up tell them to stay! Oh wait! I HAVE A BETTER IDEA!!!! Get one of those motion detecter sprinkler things that are for animal pests, then everytime they come over they will get sprayed!  It is after all to get rid of PESTS right? If they complain say you have raccoons or herons messing with your fish and plants or whatever is a problem in your area. If they think they will get sprayed they should stay in their own yard right? Give it a try!

[mascot]

That's a good idea Amy....soak the guy! 

[cricket67]

I'm sorry but my neighbor knows i would tell her that her yard was big enough for her to be in and to get the h**l out of mine......"my" pond is mine and no one elses...

[Jonna]

There is a saying in Mexico, 'if you don't like what your neighbor is doing, build your wall higher'.   In other words, it is not their problem it is yours.  I think the sprinkler is a funny idea but with this kind of person, I doubt that subtle hints will work.  You may have to have a serious talk and say that it makes you uncomfortable in your own yard and could they please call and ask if you are busy before coming over.  Not a fun thing to do but it might be necessary. 

There is another saying here, "Pueblo chico, infierno grande"   it means 'Small town, big hell'.   Good luck. 

[sooks]

Maybe you should suggest that they make a pond of their own since they like yours so much. just an idea

[Bullfrog]

Maybe you should suggest that they make a pond of their own since they like yours so much. just an idea

Thats a good idea but why would they bother and spend the money when they allready have one? They see this pond as a community commodity which it isn't. Freddy I understand your wanting to be gracious and not make enemies as you have to live next door to them. You mentioned that they attend the same church, perhaps you could ask for a confidential conference with your pastor and explain your dilemma. Wanting to be a good Christian neighbor and not alienate them but wanting your private property respected. A good minister is always looking for a new idea.

Think about it, he has to come up with a new sermon every week. If he agrees to build a sermon on respecting your neighbors which is a good topic for a sermon and he delivers it while both of you are sitting there and they still violate your privacy, then it is time to take a more direct, tactfull approach.

"Look, we really like you two and want to be good neighbors. But, we built this pond so we could have a private place to unwind. It is not public property and I would appreciate it if you would respect our privacy."


If that pisses them off, so be it. If at first you try to be respectfull and nice about it and they still get in a huff, thats better than letting them walk all over you. We have senior neighbors who are on a fixed income. They (he) asked me if he could put his trash in front of our house so he could save the trash pickup bill. Sure I agreed but trying not to overload our spot he began to burn a lot of his trash right next to our common fence. Plastic milk jugs and everything. It got to the point that we couldn't enjoy our own back yard which is our sanctuary. I really like them and have taken him fishing, we are good enough neighbors to rib each other so the last time he did it I shouted over the fence..

"Hey Don, what are you burning, shingles? You're killing us over here. C'mon man, trash pickup is one case of beer per quarter year!" They find the money to go bar hopping three times a week. He was miffed for a few days but he got the message. He now pays for trash pickup and we don't have to smell burning plastic anymore.  Try to be nice but if that doesn't work, be more direct. It's that or let them walk all over you.

[greenthumbnails]

Here are some random thoughts or ideas.  Depends on how brave one is though if you actually do some of them...

1) Lock the patio chairs up so that they cannot get to them so easily.  They will have to uncomfortably stand while they have their coffee or bring their own chair from their house (which would be too much effort everyday)

2) Say to the neighbor "In exchange for your viewing pleasure, I am going to have to put you on the task force for the maintenance of the pond too..." and make a list that is very unappealing...afterall keeping a pond is a lot of work ya know.

3) Come out in your boxers one morning with your coffee cup in hand and say "Oh, excuse me I didn't know I had to dress up to be in my own backyard!" and then just stand there in front of them and drink your coffee...

 You could then say "Hey, you know...sometimes I like to skinny dip in my pond...I'm not sure that's a sight you meant to see sipping your coffee...you really should call ahead of time before you come over to make sure you're not seeing something you're not supposed to..." 

Seriously...I actually think my DH would do some or all of these things....I had him in mind when I wrote this..

[mascot]

I wouldn't suggest they build their own pond....who do you think they'll "ask in a neighborly fashion" to help build and maintain it?  see where I'm going with that...? 

[Freddie Peepers]

So far i like the sprinkler idea. We both got a good laugh at that one

Bullfrog:
 I thought about going to the Pastor and asking him
for guidance in this matter.

 Also we are starting to put down our feelings in writing and when we're ready
then go out to a local restaurant with them and tell them how we feel and that it is getting uncomfortable
for us to see them in our yard uninvited and how we need respect and privacy.
 My wife and I work different shifts, so most days we only have a little time to spend together
before one of us is off to work or in to bed.
 There's not a lot of times during the week when all four of us (neighbors and my wife and I)
are all actually home at the same time so there's never a good time to have this confrontation
but that day is coming soon  
 Thanks to everyone for their responses and ideas
I will post more details if and when this ordeal comes to a conclusion

[SueSTx]

   My first thought was liability.  What if one of them gets hurt?  They are there with your permission.  Well not really permission...but you didn't say NO.

Talk to your homeowners insurance agent.  Maybe a NO Trespassing sign next to the water sprinkler...

[kitfoxdrvr]

It is stuff like this that makes me wish I could loan my wife out!   

She would take care of them for you, you probably would not want to be around, though!   

I love my wife, but I am VERY afraid of her...

Steve

[Mikey]

That is a very awkward position to be in but you first must accept the fact that you did NOT put yourself in that position.  You already know the best course of action but you want to reject it because it will be uncomfortable for you.  I understand your being uncomfortable in talking to your neighbor but I think that open and honest communication is best.  You are obviously a sensitive person and are capable of expressing yourself without offending. 

[Desertponder]

I love Jonna's comment about "small town, big hell." That is so true.

I lived in a small mountain community that consisted of an interesting mix of ranchers, environmentalists and skiers.
It was an incredibly difficult environment to function in. You fit in or you don't. If you don't, your life is going to be a
living hell. Many in this community had sort of a "what's mine is yours." attitude and vice-versa.
This was very difficult for me as I'm a very private person. DH and I were running a small business so that made
things twice as bad.
We lived in a big old house that belonged to some relatives of my husband and we did quite a bit of work to it.
It was not uncommon for people to just come in the house when we were not home just to see what it looked like.
I don't know how many times we changed locks while we lived there but I swear these people knew how to pick them!
I had plants taken right out my yard. Someone sees a plant they like, they just come and take some of it (or all of it).
If you had a tool or a piece of equipment someone wanted to borrow, they would become horribly offended if you didn't
let them borrow it and less than a day later it was all over town that you wouldn't.
DH and I really tried to be polite and just stay to ourselves and that created additional problems.
Town folk had us made out to be drug dealers, cult members and a host of other wacky stuff that they created over nothing
but rumors and the fact that we were not liked because we didn't follow the "what's mine is yours" mentality. We eventually had to move because it was just too much and it
was destroying our business.

So, my point is, if you feel that being rude to these neighbors is going to create more problems for you than it might be
best to consult with your pastor or come up with a creative approach that will protect your privacy but not piss off the neighbors too much.
I would be really annoyed with these neighbors too but sometimes you have to walk on egg shells in a small town.

[livetogarden]

Hey....I have the perfect solution.....rent a Pit Bull from someone and stake him by the pond. 

[Esther]

My thought too Cath. Get a dog with a big snarl and bark.

[frloplady]

Can't beat honesty and being up front.  Will they be mad?  I don't think if you can handle it correctly. Avoid you statments..  Use I/we statements like "we really love our pond and would like to enjoy it on our own sometimes..like in the morning for coffee"  Not "will you please not come over in the morning?"  "We would really appreciate being asked before friends come over to sit at the pond..we'd love spending the time with you there" not "If you don't ask then don't come over"

Maybe not the best sentences but maybe you get the idea?

Mary

So far i like the sprinkler idea. We both got a good laugh at that one

Bullfrog:
 I thought about going to the Pastor and asking him
for guidance in this matter.

 Also we are starting to put down our feelings in writing and when we're ready
then go out to a local restaurant with them and tell them how we feel and that it is getting uncomfortable
for us to see them in our yard uninvited and how we need respect and privacy.
 My wife and I work different shifts, so most days we only have a little time to spend together
before one of us is off to work or in to bed.
 There's not a lot of times during the week when all four of us (neighbors and my wife and I)
are all actually home at the same time so there's never a good time to have this confrontation
but that day is coming soon  
 Thanks to everyone for their responses and ideas
I will post more details if and when this ordeal comes to a conclusion